Hi, My Name Is Colleen.
And I'm not an alcoholic.
As a high-functioning perfectionist, my goal was to get better at drinking....
Everything changed the day I decided to get better at thinking.
Colleen Kachmann
Master life coach and addiction recovery specialist
Colleen Kachmann is a recovery-certified Master Coach, host of the globally ranked It's Not About the Alcohol podcast, and author of Life Off the Label: A Handbook for Creating Your Own Brand of Health and Happiness.
Colleen uses holistic, evidence-based strategies in neurophysiology and growth mindset to help women stop over-drinking without going to AA or giving up alcohol completely by reconnecting with their intuition and personal power.
Education: Colleen holds a MSc in health coaching, a BS in biology and chemistry education and is certified as a women's functional and integrative medicine professional.
Ready to learn more?
Book a Discovery CallIt's Not About the Alcohol
When life became limited by my growing dependence on alcohol, I started to fantasize about quitting. I even gave imaginary TED talks about my escape from what felt like a nightmare. The visualizations were hopeful and fleeting. I was exhausted by the 24-hour cycle of detox-to-retox. But as I poured a drink each night, and hoped maybe tomorrow would be different, I longed for change.
One morning, my attempt to outrun a hangover was interrupted. Without consulting my brain, my hand had used my phone to search-and-dial the AA hotline. I guess my body decided it was sick of my shit. Minutes later, standing in the middle of a country road, I was in an online 12-step meeting. Camera off. Heart open. Tears streaming down my face. My resistance faded as I uttered the passwords: "My name is Colleen, and I'm an alcoholic."
I spent the next year doing all the things expected of sober people–attending meetings, working the steps and following the rules. I internalized the conventional beliefs about alcoholism and recovery and trusted what I was told. Honestly, avoiding alcohol was pretty easy because I felt so much better without it. It was figuring out what "not drinking" meant about me as a person that seemed complicated.
Because it felt ridiculous to refer to myself an an alcoholic after I quit drinking.
Radical Responsibility
As children, we're taught to control our behavior at the expense of our emotions. Keep your chin up. Don't cry. Smile. When someone asks how you are, say, "I'm fine." Even if you're not. Especially when you're not.
And that's how we come to feel like an empty shell of a broken person. Invisible. Disconnected. Because we're more concerned with how we appear in the world than how we feel in our bodies. So we use alcohol. Food. Career. Kids. Drugs. Drama. To avoid the feelings in our bodies. And to run ourselves ragged. Because the excuse of not having the energy or time to take care of ourselves is acceptable. Even rewarded.
The irony is that ignoring our needs makes them stronger. We become victims of circumstance, passive aggressive communication specialists and beholden to subconscious urges.
[Spoiler Alert] If you are not actively managing your emotional needs, they are managing you.