Episode 286 Minisode: You Can’t Have The Money, Honey.
00:00
I recorded this episode sometime last year, back when I was still in the middle of navigating my divorce and learning what it meant to truly bet the house on myself. I had just learned that I don’t qualify to assume the mortgage that I’m already paying for. Oh, the joys of being an entrepreneur. And knowing that I couldn’t move even if I really wanted to made me feel stuck. And so I had to do some self-coaching.
00:29
And I had to remember that, no, no, no, I am never stuck. Nobody puts baby in a corner. I always have a choice. Even if I don’t like my choices, I still have them. And allowing myself to see that I had a choice restored my power. So if you’ve ever felt like a victim of circumstances or you’ve been caught in a story believing that you can’t make a decision or act in your own best interest, I want to remind you
00:58
that meaning is made in the mind. And what you make things mean creates your emotion. And your emotion is the energy that’s either going to move you forward or keep you stuck. Be very careful about the story you’re telling yourself, because the story you’re telling yourself is the story you’re going to have to live. You’ve heard the term abracadabra, right? Well, abracadabra means I create as I speak. So grab your magic wands and let’s dive in.
01:28
My name is Colleen and I’m a mindful drinking coach helping high achieving professional women permanently reduce their alcohol consumption by 80%. Join me each week for evidence-based holistic strategies to regulate your nervous system, balance your dopamine, and activate the growth mindset that makes you so powerful in other areas of your life so you can stop worrying about losing control and trust yourself again.
01:57
Get happy, not sober. It’s not about the alcohol.
02:08
Recently, I found out that I am not going to qualify to assume the mortgage on my house. I went through a divorce last year and at first when I said, okay, this is happening, I prepared to move because I didn’t think I could afford to stay and that was fine. I was ready to move. uh I love my house, but I’m not real happy, if you will, where I live.
02:37
I don’t know where I wanna go, but I would like to live somewhere that I have access to trails, maybe some mountains or baby mountains. I live in Indiana and it’s a lot of corn fields and every day I go to this preserve and I walk my dog and it’s beautiful and it’s in the woods, but it’s as flat as flat can be. And I’ve raised my children here, I’ve lived here most of my life.
03:03
My sister lives here, I know people. It’s definitely my home, but I don’t see myself staying here. When I think about the life that I want to create for myself, I don’t see myself in this location. So when I started the divorce process, I was kind of excited, like, okay, I’m gonna figure this out. Look at me, here I go. But as we negotiated the financial settlement, I realized I could stay for a little while.
03:33
And I made the decision to stay because leaving, moving at that time would have cost so much of my time and energy. And I needed to go all in on making my business profitable. And so that’s what I did. I just put my head down, went to my desk, and I’ve been working around the clock for about 18 months. And that was a good decision. I acted on faith instead of fear. I didn’t know how I was gonna figure it out. I just knew I would figure it out.
04:02
And honestly, that’s not even true. I didn’t know for sure I’d figured out. I just decided to go for it or die trying. And by die trying, mean, you know, go bankrupt or have to sell my house and move into a one bedroom apartment, take a job and go work for somebody else because I had run out of options. But I figured until somebody showed up at the door to take my shit, I was gonna sit at my desk and fricking go for it. And I remember making a deal with myself, giving myself
04:31
full permission to go all in, to risk everything, to literally bet the house. I made a deal with myself that I would not beat myself up, that I could handle whatever happens. You know, my first husband and I had a business in our 20s that ended in bankruptcy. We lost everything, our home, our cars. But what I learned from that is that it is the fear of having to go through that.
04:59
not the actual going through of that. The years that followed that bankruptcy were some of the best years of our lives. We learned to live on cash. We learned how to be patient because it takes time to rebuild your credit. We learned how to be okay even when things don’t look like they’re okay. We learned what we were capable of. We learned how many people loved us. So many people stepped in and supported us in some way, whether it be dropping off
05:27
know, bags of clothes for my little boys at the time, or cosigning on a loan for some used cars. I was really into health and fitness at the time, and all of a sudden wouldn’t be able to afford my gym membership, and the guy hired me. I cleaned the floors of the racquetball courts and did some light housekeeping in exchange for my membership. It was humbling, but it was also so healing and so cool to see that we could survive that.
05:57
not only survive, but thrive through that. And so I made a deal with myself that if I had to go through that again, that I knew it would be okay. I knew that I would be loved and supported, people would help me, and I’m not too big for my britches to accept help when I need it. Nor am I gonna let my ego fear keep me from going for my dreams because
06:25
I don’t wanna ask for help or I don’t want to admit that something didn’t work out as planned. Like I want to be the type of person that fucking goes for it. And the only way to be that type of person is to just do it. And so I did. I didn’t move. I decided to stay put and pour all of my energy into this business and risk everything that I own to make it work. And as you know, it has worked.
06:54
I hit, if you will, on TikTok in April. That opened the floodgates. I had plenty of leads. I was making sales. And over the course of the year, I started adding to my team, building out the program, and truly seeing that the process, the mindset, the tools that I have assembled actually work. The women in the next chapter were actually doing it.
07:21
they were overcoming their drinking problem. They were becoming the version of themselves that they wanted to be. They were leveling up. They were moving into a higher level of conscious. This emotional sobriety shit has legs. And it’s not about the alcohol. And I can see it, and I can feel it, and I can build on it. Like this approach is working. I was right. We have found the missing link. We have found the way through our emotions instead of
07:50
bypassing them with behavior-based change and sobriety pledges. Because the only people that make sobriety pledges are the people who do not believe that they are capable of trusting themselves, of learning from their mistakes, of becoming the version of them that has no desire to numb and dumb themselves with the mommy juice. So the solution I’ve created is working and the business is working.
08:19
And even though I continue to reinvest in technology and training for my team and more team members, most months I make more than I spend. I’m actually able to pay my own bills. I’m paying my mortgage. Like I did it. I’m doing it. Look, ma, no hands. And so I contacted my ex-husband and because his name is still on the house, my name is not. And even though our divorce is final, I...
08:46
I’m in the house because it’s still his house. So I started the process in Indiana. You can assume the mortgage and I didn’t want to refinance because our mortgage was like 2.7. That’s why I could afford to stay here because the payment is actually about what I’d be paying if I went and rented some shitty apartment. And I assumed since I’m already paying the mortgage and I can show, you know, that I have a healthy business that I would be able to do that. Put the house in my name, get him off the mortgage.
09:16
But ah that’s putting the ass in assumption now, isn’t it? There’s a difference between how much a business makes and how much a person makes. And I didn’t take much money from the business last year because I was still living on a pot of settlement from my ex-husband. So I just kept it all in the business. And towards the end of the year, spent ahead on consulting fees and deals that I was doing so that I could reduce my taxable earnings.
09:46
And that went great, right up until I don’t make enough money to qualify for my own mortgage. So there’s that. And what I wanted to share with you today is that I have been thinking that eventually I would want to move. You know, I have the option. When I have the time, when I choose to make the time, excuse my language, I will begin to look around and see where might I wanna go. This last year, my girls are still in college.
10:14
Third child just graduated from college. I still have one more, so I wasn’t in a big hurry to move. I was just gonna assume the mortgage and stay here. But what’s funny, how our brain works, is now that I know I have to stay here, it doesn’t feel as fun and powerful. And I’ve noticed over the last few days just a subconscious agitation where I’m feeling stuck because the story I’m telling myself is that I couldn’t move.
10:43
even if I wanted to. Even though a week ago, I was super motivated to get the mortgage in my name, not because I wanted to move, but because I wanted to take a line of credit because cashflow, business, scaling, growth, you need to have a backup plan. And cutting it really close every month doesn’t allow me to take bigger risks like investing capital in projects that allow me to grow. And it’s been very stressful.
11:11
you know, micromanaging expenses and revenue every single month. And so I thought that I would take a line of credit against the equity in my home. Turns out I’m not qualified to access my own money. Go figure. But of course, this is just one way to look at all of this. This is just one perspective. And as this perspective is pissing me off and causing me stress, I took some time this morning to
11:41
write it all out, what’s the story, and look at why this was causing negative emotions, stress, and agitation in my body, and then choose how I want to see this. And the bottom line is that I don’t really want to move. I just want to know that I could move if I wanted to, because it feels very powerless and demoralizing to be telling myself a story that I can’t move.
12:07
that I’m somehow a victim of my own circumstances. And the victim mentality is toxic. You can’t be a victim and a survivor at the same time. And yet victims and survivors both face the same exact circumstance. It’s how you respond to those circumstances. So I did some mental housekeeping this morning and realized that the truth that I want to adopt is the real truth. I could move if I wanted.
12:36
I could put my house on the market and get the money out so that I’d have the money, but then I wouldn’t have the money to buy a new house. I wouldn’t qualify for a mortgage or probably even apartment at this point somewhere else. And so I have to make a choice. And recognizing that I have a choice, recognizing that I have options is the key to taking my power back. I may not like those options, but I do have them. And given what those options are, I am choosing.
13:05
to stay in my home. I don’t have to stay. I’m choosing to stay because that’s what makes my life easiest. Just like I did a year and a half ago when I chose to focus on my business instead of going and reinventing my life and taking all that energy, time and money relocating, I chose to stay in my house, focus on my business, and I’m going to choose to continue to do that. And that feels so much different in my body.
13:33
And this is why it is so important to not let your brain run the show. When you’re feeling anxious or angry or agitated, you have to stop and figure out what the story is that you’re telling yourself and then examine what it is that you really want and what your options are to get it. I don’t really want to move. I really want to feel grounded and at peaceful.
14:02
I really wanna feel like I’m setting myself up for success and allowing my brain to distract me because my brain is wired to see problems and getting stuck on some low level problem like, I can’t qualify for my own mortgage and this is bullshit and I’d move if I could, but I can’t so I guess I’m stuck, just drains energy. And when you are in a lower, heavier vibration, your emotions are holding you back.
14:32
You don’t have access to higher levels of consciousness, higher levels of problem solving and clarity. And as I’m working on the manifestation retreat this weekend, I’ll bring that concept into this that you think how you feel and you feel how you think it’s a feedback loop. And so if I allowed myself to stay in, you know, this dysregulated or disturbed energy, then I
15:00
feel that way and then I start to think that way and I start to project it into all sorts of other circumstances and contexts and situations. And I don’t want to manifest more stuck, powerless, agitated, anxious, angry feelings. And so you have to understand that the shift, the change, the first option you need to solve for is always at the energetic level.
15:28
You have to use your mind to manage your emotions instead of letting your emotions manage your mind. Because however you feel, you’re going to manifest more of those feelings. When you are pissed off, you manifest more reasons to be pissed off. And likewise, when you feel happy and abundant and open, you manifest more reasons to feel happy and abundant and open. When you feel powerful and in control, you manifest more.
15:57
and control. The bottom line is that you have to prioritize the energy in your body in this moment over whatever your brain is telling you you need in order to feel better. You have to choose and have the skill to feel better now, not when it all works out according to whatever mental math you’ve done that would be optimal. You have to learn how to connect with the energy in your heart.
16:27
and clear the blocks and the obstacles and the problems that your brain is trying to block that energy from flowing up and out and through you into the world to manifest what you want. You have to learn how to manage that mind using language. The frequency, the energetic heaviness of telling yourself you don’t have a choice, you can’t do something will keep you from seeing and acting as if you
16:57
do have a choice. You always have a choice. The first choice, though, is always how you’re choosing to see your situation, how you’re choosing to feel about your circumstances. And the only way to truly do that is, number one, care more about how you feel right now than what you think. And then, number two, work on what you think line by line, challenging the story you’re telling yourself.
17:25
and then rewriting it line by line, taking each statement or thought that feels bad in your body, like, oh, I’m not qualified for my own mortgage. I’m stuck in this big, beautiful house. I don’t have access to my own money, which means I can’t do what I need or want to do in my business. There is no frickin’ way I’m landing in my Monday morning tomorrow with the attitude that
17:55
I can’t do what I need and want to do in my business. Oh, hell no. That is an idea I don’t want to manifest more of. Manifestation is always happening, by the way. Manifestation is just when you turn your ideas into 3D realities. Manifestation means bringing an idea to life. And everything in life begins in the imaginations. I mean, think about it. Humans imagine that there’s countries, different cultures.
18:25
We make up politics and religion. We create calendars and money and even time itself. Like think about it, Mondays, that’s not a real thing. Monday is just a concept and you perceive whatever you’re projecting. And if you’re projecting the idea that it’s Monday and it sucks and it’s hard and you had the Sunday scaries and you can’t wait till Friday. If you project that into the all time is now space that you define as Monday, then you’re going to perceive more of that.
18:54
Our brains literally make up all the rules and the standards and the expectations that govern our lives. Even seemingly real things that aren’t mental constructs like your house, your car, your clothes. These all begin as thoughts. Like somebody has to imagine what they want. And then they have to draw a design and then assemble the raw materials and do some work to make it happen. And then release a finished product. Like all creation.
19:24
begins in the mind and your mind is a powerful tool, the most powerful one in the universe as far as I know. And the mind can be used to create more of what you want or destroy what you already have. There is no question about whether or not manifestation works. The question is whether it works for you or against you. And if I had not caught the dis-easiness in my body and
19:51
brought into consciousness the story I was telling myself that I’m stuck in this house and I don’t have access to what I need, specifically the equity in my home, then I’m going to be operating on a lack. And I wouldn’t have made the call I did yesterday to my brother who’s got access to people who, you know, do lines of credit for small business owners and have a way to work around different things. I wouldn’t have made that call because I would have been stuck in
20:19
victim mode of life isn’t fair and this is bullshit. Instead, I switched back into, oh nobody puts baby in a corner and where there’s a will, there’s a way. And if I don’t have an option here, I’ll go find an option somewhere else. I will make it work. I will be okay even when it doesn’t look like it’s okay because I will make it okay. And so the call to action for this episode is for you to pay attention.
20:49
when you’ve got some subconscious bullshit going on and to stop, drop and feel it and then make sense of it, examine the story you’re telling yourself and then rewrite that story so that it’s the truth and it’s the truth that you are perceiving from a place of power. Because if you are not perceiving your own power, you are projecting your own weakness and that’s how you manifest more of the same.
21:19
And if you have not attended one of our rewrite workshops where I literally show you how to stop the negative self-talk, that’s the rewrite where we go through your story line by line and shift it energetically, then I encourage you to get in the call replay feed. There’s three that we have done, three workshops, and then, or sign up for the next live rewrite workshop so that you can learn how easy it is to change the way you feel, to change what you see.
21:49
and to act upon the world from the highest level of energy and vibration and frequency that you can exist on. We’ve had the power all along, Dorothy. You that quote from Wizard of Oz? You’ve had the power all along. You just have to know where to look for it. Your power is within you.
22:11
All right, thanks for listening. And if you’re a high achieving, coachable woman who is ready to commit to manifesting your best life, and you’re going to need to reduce your alcohol consumption by about 80 % so that alcohol goes back to being a pleasure instead of a soul sucking problem, get in the show notes and click the link and schedule a discovery call with me or my team.