Episode 251 Minisode: OMG! I Was Kicked From My Coaching Program
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So I recently got kicked out of a coaching program that I had been a part of for years. No warning, no explanation, just poof, you’re out. Now a past version of me would have spiraled hard. I would have replayed every conversation in my mind, picked apart my own behavior and gone into overdrive trying to figure out what I did wrong. But here’s the thing, the way this happened, I knew this wasn’t even about me. And the second I realized that,
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Everything changed. And so in this episode, I’m going to pull back the curtain on a situation that was embarrassing and hurtful and could have sent me into a shame spiral. I’ll walk you through my shock, the grief, and the exact moment that I decided to stop chasing fairness or explanations. Instead, I chose to be 100 % on my own team and redirect my energy to move my ass forward onto bigger and better things.
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Because here’s the thing, looking for answers is how we get stuck. The only thing you need to look for is your next step. I took the attitude that this is not happening to me, it’s happening for me. I looked at that door that just got slammed in my face and took full responsibility for what comes next. So this episode is about how to process hurt without handing away your power or abandoning yourself and how to see rejection for what it really is.
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a radical redirect.
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I’m Colleen and I’m a mindful drinking coach helping high achieving professional women permanently reduce their alcohol consumption by 80%. Join me each week for evidence based holistic strategies to regulate your nervous system, balance your dopamine and activate the growth mindset that makes you so powerful in other areas of your life so you can stop worrying about losing control and trust yourself again. Get happy, not sober. It’s not about the alcohol.
02:11
So I’m recording this two hours after I just got a huge, shameful, kick in the gut reprimand. And I’m recording it because I want you to see what is waiting for you on the other side when you learn to become your own best friend and you learn how to manage your emotions and to own your own shame and understand that the source of any emotional distress you’re feeling
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It’s just your own thoughts and beliefs and fears. It is not actually what has happened to you. So after a huge, huge high and win last two weekends ago, when I went to my own coaching program that I go to their events three times a year and I have such good friends and consider, I won’t say the name now, but consider the leaders of this program to kind of be my personal gurus.
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and I’ve learned so much from them and I have nothing will ever change that. I got an email today from the guy and I just applied to go into the mastermind which is like the next level of coaching for people who have seven figure businesses. So I’d be like graduating and I’m almost there and so I applied and I get an email today when I’m expecting to hear about my application for the mastermind and get an interview for that.
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Instead, I got an email that said, due to some comments that I made backstage when I was part of the nine finalists, due to some comments that I made, I was being removed from the program completely. removed from Facebook, removed from the program that I paid for, removed from all of the future events, removed from the community that has become.
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my family, my people. There was no explanation to what this comment was, but just that I am being removed effective immediately. And you can imagine the disbelief, the stunned, and then the fear. What the fuck did I say? Who left my mouth unattended? What did I say? Searching my memory banks.
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And then I calmly searched my memory banks. Okay, where is this subconscious awareness that I said something or that I offended something? Because this is what you need to know, your body logs everything, which is why when you learn to feel your feelings and when you learn to trust your body, it doesn’t lie, it tells you the truth. But I could find nothing.
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nothing that would indicate that I had said there was no look on anybody’s face. There was no comment that came out of my mouth that I second guessed. Like there’s nothing. And one of the things that was referenced in the email was that I had offended the other finalists and that this was corroborated by some team members as well, which is why he didn’t feel the need to actually speak to me. And so.
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I had literally just recorded a podcast interview with one of my fellow finalists. Her name is Rachel Coons and she does money management for moms. She’s amazing. I just got off a call with her. It’ll drop New Year’s Eve, by the way. It’s an amazing conversation. Anywho. And so I texted her and I told her a little bit about what was happening, but also wanted to be respectful because if I had offended her,
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I wanted to make sure that I was sensitive and give her the opportunity to talk to me about it. I mean, we’d had a good conversation, but maybe she just, you know, wasn’t saying anything. And she was as shocked as I was that this had happened to me. And she is what I would say more in with the other finalists. She’s been in the program longer. They all talk. She’s been on a couple of trips that evidently I didn’t know about or didn’t sign up for. I don’t know, but she’s much more has her finger on the pulse of the group.
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And she was like, what are you talking about? And I reiterated that I had no idea what I was talking about. I spent lots of intimate time with all of the finalists the whole weekend, not just when we did the speeches, but the next day and in the evenings. We went to dinner together. I didn’t pick up on anything. How could I be so blind that I’m such a horrible offensive person that I’m going to be removed from a group? And she said,
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Yeah, I have no idea. We all went to dinner together. She said, nobody was talking about you. Nobody said anything. She’s like, we sat in the lobby, we talked, we held hands, and we hugged, and we shared. And she’s like, that was genuine and real. I saw that. She’s like, I know who you are. I have no idea what this is. And then she got back to me about an hour later and says, OK, the leader of the program, I won’t say his name, did ask me a
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Question at one point. She said I didn’t really even think anything of it She said he did ask if you had said when we were sitting backstage waiting to go on that we should be getting paid for this and She told me that she had said well Yeah I do remember her saying something like that and then we talked about when that was we had been backstage for like an hour and Everybody was kind of like are we gonna get to go like did he forget about us and I had said something like hey you guys
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this is the last time we’re gonna have to do stuff like this for free. Like our businesses are getting ready to explode and we’re gonna be getting paid to speak on stages. Yeah, I did say that. And not a bit of it was meant to do anything but pump everybody up for being breakthrough of the year finalists. Like guys, this is our moment. We’re all walking through a threshold of growth and yay us. Isn’t this exciting?
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Rachel and I looked at it and talked about it. Like, how could that be misconstrued as offensive to any of the other finalists? I mean, I was saying it to everybody. I didn’t say I was never going to do anything for free again or anything shitty like that, where I’m putting myself above anybody else. It was just a statement. And like, we were back there like an hour and a half. I mean, there was a lot of things that were said. People were complaining because like, it kind of seemed like he had forgotten about us. But
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Once I was able to see the origin of the comment, I was able to immediately pronounce myself as not guilty. Like whatever is going on here, it’s not actually about me. It’s about somebody else’s ego or fear or like I don’t even know. It’s not about me. And so I have a decision to make and I’ve already made the decision. You know what it is. I have the decision to make of am I gonna be bothered about this?
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And the truth is it’s taken a couple of hours for the overwhelm and the brain fog and the shock to clear from my nervous system. But I just keep breathing into my body and saying, you know what? This is happening for you, not to you. And as a matter of fact, I put in my mastermind application. At the end, they asked if there was anything else we wanted to say. And I said, I want to be a part of a group that needs me as much as I need the group.
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And so if this group isn’t a good fit for me, I trust the universe to redirect me. And that was just me basically saying like, it’s okay if you don’t accept me into the mastermind, like I’m going to be fine. I know and trust that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. I will make the best out of every situation, which I would think would go to speak to my character and the type of person I am. But again, this isn’t about me. They’re not seeing me. Something...
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is going on behind closed doors and in minds that it’s not about me, I’ve triggered something perhaps, I have no idea. But all I know is I’ve been removed for a group. And one of my first takeaways from this is I need to update my preferences with the universe to say I prefer gentle nudges as opposed to a goddamn bitch slap. But I can also just be grateful that this is happening now and I have an opportunity to respond to it.
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Two hours later, I’ve already scheduled another meeting with another mastermind group that I’m gonna meet with on Monday because I literally don’t fuck around. I just keep taking action. I just keep moving forward. I am taking the time to process and feel the hurt and the grief. These are my people, my three events a year that I absolutely adore, but I’m not losing my people. I’m just not going to be at these events. I don’t need to make this.
11:00
a chicken little the sky is falling situation. Something happened. It’s out of my control. I get to choose how I respond to it. And so the first thing I did was process the shame of that little girl in me of, my God, I did get too big for my britches. I did say something that was offensive and now people don’t like me. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I trust myself? Why can’t I just say the right thing all the time that makes all the people happy? Like, oh.
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Like, I’m not doing that. I know that these feelings coming up are, a legit gut check, like, what’d you say, bitch? And B, feelings from the past of being rejected and literally kicked out of the tribe. Like, that’s a survival stress response, and I’ve had it. But as I’m clearing it, I’m not finding anything to pronounce myself guilty. don’t hear who would I even apologize to for telling everybody that.
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this is the last time they’re going to be doing this for free. Like, I don’t even know who I would apologize for. I can’t imagine who that offended. I would be happy to listen and entertain and take responsibility for someone else’s feelings if they needed me to and apologize. But I really don’t even know who that would offend. Except in hindsight, I do remember the comment of one gal when I said that. And she said, well, maybe you won’t be speaking for free, but you can’t really say that about the rest of us.
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So now that I realize that, so she must have taken issue with it. I don’t know why she did. And I sure as hell don’t know how that’s an ex-communicative offense, but it is what it is. And that awareness is a superpower because I’m not going to waste my energy arguing that the situation is what it is. I’m not going to lament that it’s not fair. I’m not going to ask all my friends to comfort me.
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because I don’t need comfort. I’m fine. This sucks, but I’m going to move on. I love it that my friends have reached out and professed their outrage, and they’re going to go and talk to him and make it right. And I’m like, you guys, you can if you want. But he’s kind of already shown me who he is. I’m not interested in progressing into a high ticket. We’re talking $30,000, $40,000 to be in this program. I mean, he’s lost my vote.
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even if he came back and said, oh, I guess it was a misunderstanding. Yeah, but that’s not how you treat people. And I don’t want to be a part of a program where if something goes wrong, you don’t reach out and extend an offer to communicate or correct someone who needs to be corrected. Like, know, Myelle Angelo says, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. And I have asked.
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God, the universe to direct me if this isn’t a good fit because it is a big expense and a big commitment. If this isn’t a good fit to redirect me, this again, maybe a little gentler next time. But as the shock wears off and I process the grief of losing what I thought I had, I’m also really excited about what else is waiting for me. Like this is a gift, I will fucking turn it into one, this will be.
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the redirect that allowed me to land somewhere else, somewhere that I’m going to meet somebody that is the next, maybe it’s the male version of me who we get to do this thing for men and women. Like, I don’t know. All I know is I’m going to stay in action and I’m not going to let this hold me back. I’m not going to take it personally. I’m not going to let myself be bothered. I’m not going to ruin one goddamn night of my Christmas break with
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this, my kids are coming home, we’re going to have food and fun and laughter and memories. I’ve worked my ass off this year, and I’m simply going to choose to let this go. And that my friends is fucking freedom and fucking power. I’m hearing that see a song in my head. I am unstoppable because I understand that the only person that could ever hold me back is me.
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And the only person responsible for my success, also me. And so I’ll leave you with this gentle reminder that can sometimes double as a bitch slap. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. And when you feel yourself telling yourself a story about how somebody is doing something to you and this isn’t fair, remember that you too are also the only person that can hold you back. And you also are the only one that can set you free.
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All right, thanks for listening. And if you’re a high achieving, coachable woman who is ready to commit to manifesting your best life, and you’re going to need to reduce your alcohol consumption by about 80 % so that alcohol goes back to being a pleasure instead of a soul sucking problem, get in the show notes and click the link and schedule a discovery call with me or my team.