Episode 246: HSPs and alcohol: why sensitive women are more likely to drink with Tina Marx
00:00
If you’re an overly sensitive or highly sensitive person, this episode is for you. In today’s conversation, I sit down with coach and podcast host, Tina Marks, to explore the deep connection between being a highly sensitive person, HSP as we often say, and the tendency to use alcohol to self soothe. This isn’t a conversation about addiction or willpower.
00:26
It’s about how sensitivity without emotional safety often leads high achieving women to drink in secret while still trying to keep everything else together on the outside. You’ll hear how HSPs are more susceptible to overwhelm, anxiety, and perfectionism, and how alcohol becomes a temporary escape, not just from stress, but from the full body experience of feeling too much.
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So if you’ve ever said, I just need to turn off my brain, or I wish I could stop overreacting, this episode will help you reframe what’s really going on without shame, without labels, and without needing to commit to permanent sobriety. We’re gonna talk about what it really means to be an HSP and how to know if you are one and how to use your sensitivity as a superpower instead of a liability.
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My name is Colleen and I’m a mindful drinking coach helping high achieving professional women permanently reduce their alcohol consumption by 80%. Join me each week for evidence-based holistic strategies to regulate your nervous system, balance your dopamine, and activate the growth mindset that makes you so powerful in other areas of your life so you can stop worrying about losing control and trust yourself again. Get happy, not sober. It’s not about the alcohol.
02:00
Tina, I’m so excited to have this conversation with you. Welcome to the show. Would you do the honors and introduce yourself to my audience? Oh, thanks. Thanks, Colleen. It’s so great to be here. Yeah, my name is Tina Marks and I am a business and flow coach. So I’ve been coaching real estate agents for almost eight years. Prior to that, I was doing life coaching. But honestly, yes, I coach real estate agents, but most of it is mindset.
02:29
and the tools that I’ve learned because, know, 90 % of it is mindset, you know, unless I have a brand new agent who needs the tools and doesn’t know what to do. Most people know what to do, okay? But I’m like really big on morning routine, how that sets up your day, what you’re saying to yourself, what you’re putting in your body. So, you know, I have a really holistic approach to my coaching and...
02:58
You know, I think it was really funny because I have a client that’s actually looking maybe to get into coaching. And I said, she says, well, what school did you go to? And I said, look, you can get certified anywhere. I said, what I think what makes a great coach is somebody that’s been through, like been through it. I mean, there’s not really anything that I hear from a client that I cannot identify in one way or the other. Right. So tell me, zoom out a little bit and tell me what you’ve been through.
03:27
and how you arrived. And I just want to say, I couldn’t agree with you more, you know, like with what I do working with women who drink too much. like, why would you ever get help from somebody who’s never had a drinking problem? mean, I have a PhD in drinking, only a master’s in coaching, but I have a PhD in drinking. So tell me about your story and history that brought you to this place where you are now in a position to guide others. Well, you know, I, it started
03:56
From my childhood, I had a father that nothing I did was good enough. Okay, first of all, the minute he would lay eyes on me, I just felt like he hated me. So that was part of the equation. Okay, like he hated me and like, just this anger and he was like a rageaholic, you what mean? He wasn’t an alcoholic, like he’d get angry and you know, I...
04:23
I had a lot of, I came from an affluent family. I I’m great. I grew up in a 10,000 square foot house. So we had to bring it back in the day. Newspapers was delivered in the morning and night, then bring in the mail, then do the baskets, which is a lot of baskets, lock up the house at night, you know, pick up, cause we had dogs, my brother and I had a dog. And if we like forgot to do one of those, we’d have to write 500 times, you know, I will learn and he’d make the sentence like so long.
04:52
And then he’d tear it up in your face after you were done doing it. It was just, yeah, little emotional, like I never felt good enough. Okay, so he’s training me to be a tennis player. Chrissy Everett’s coach was one of my coaches. I had two coaches. And Chrissy Everett’s coach said she could be, just like Chrissy, she could be a number one player. She’s little, but she’s really fast, and she hits like a man. Well, that wasn’t my dream. That was his dream.
05:22
But just, I mean, I’ve told this, said this a million times, like the best analogy or experience I can remember, but I could win the tournament and he’d go, well, what were you doing in the second set? Why did you, I won the tournament, right? So after my dad passed, I was 28 years old when he passed, and I thought, oh, okay, now I’m not gonna have to live with this anymore.
05:52
But what happens is I started learning back then that all that stuff’s recorded in my subconscious mind. So now it’s not him telling me that, it’s me telling me that. And so that’s, a being feeling unworthy, I had my whole life. I would pick partners that, and I think I don’t remember when I found this out, but I know it’s to be true.
06:18
If you have that like kind of disconnect with a parent or an abusive kind of situation, because it was emotionally abusive, it was what it was. You pick somebody like them because what your brain’s trying to do is trying to make it work out the way you want it to this time. So, you know, I kept picking like just men that were either narcissistic or, you know,
06:47
bomb, love bomb me. I used to think that was the greatest thing. Oh my God, finally somebody sees that I’m worthy and now I run from anybody that does anything close to that. me getting into coaching, was like, think, and I’m an empath and an HSP, which makes me highly sensitive. So I was really sensitive when I was growing up and
07:15
I was always, you’re too sensitive, you’re too sensitive. So there was one more thing that I didn’t feel good about myself. Can you tell me a little bit more about empath and HSP? That is one diagnosis I’ve never had. And I don’t know if that is a medical diagnosis or is that something where you just identify with a certain character trait? I mean, what does that mean? Because I hear a lot of my clients say that and I’m unfamiliar with the
07:45
So in empath, you know, we feel other people’s feelings. I think there’s 30 % of us that are empaths. the HSP has very similar symptoms, but they’re different. For example, I hear things five times louder than they are. I used to wonder, like, I didn’t like, I still don’t like going out at night. I mean, if I go out to dinner, I’m going out to an early dinner. You know, I’ve never been the one to let’s go out to an eight o’clock dinner because
08:14
Now I figured it out. People are in there, they’re drinking, it gets louder. people, I’m like, isn’t it loud? And people are like, I don’t think it’s loud. So we hear things, we feel things, like emotionally, I feel things. My high is five times higher than yours, but my low is five times lower than yours. So, know, I only found this out like I think a year and a half ago. So now...
08:42
I read articles all the time, I’m subscribed to a newsletter, and there’s things that you can do. And if you’re in a relationship, they have to kind of understand that too. But I need a lot of downtime. I need a lot of downtime. And I always, this is really interesting. I always wonder why I always go into my bedroom. I’m going, you have a beautiful living room, you just got a beautiful couch, and there I go again, right? And Bethany Frankel.
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was doing an Instagram a couple of weeks ago. And she says, I don’t know about you guys, I’m either outside, I’m in the kitchen or I’m in my bedroom. Like I never use the living room. She goes, she calls the bed a bouch. So it’s like a bed couch. And I was like, oh my, you know, but I relate to her. She’s a Scorpio or similar in age and everything else. And I was like, finally, I’m not such a weirdo, but that’s another thing that they say about HSPs for us to like,
09:39
regulate our nervous system to go into a smaller, dark room. That’s how we do it. And that’s why I don’t go into the living room as opposed to the bedroom, because it’s bigger. Like the biggest space is like kind of, it doesn’t make me feel like safe and cozy. You need a nest. What’s that? A nest or a cocoon or something. Yeah, yes, exactly. A nest or a cocoon. so it is really important for me to do that. And like my son’s away for the weekend.
10:10
And I’m gonna relish in this time. And I love having him here. I miss him when he’s not here, but just having my own energy and just really, you I cannot be around a lot of people either. That’s the other thing. Okay. You know, I’m not the one that’s going to that huge party. Yeah. All right. So 28 years old, your dad passes. Take me forward to how now you become your own oppressor. Well, let’s see.
10:40
Define oppressor. So, you said you internalized your father’s voice. Oh, I see what you’re saying. good enough, not worthy. Okay, gotcha. Okay. How did I do that? Well, you know, I went, I was working at Capitol Records at that time. And then I met my husband and you know, I’ve never had a successful relationship and I now know why.
11:08
That’s one of the ways that showed up was not feeling worthy enough. I always felt like I had to be something other than what I was to feel like I was deserving of that. Or, you know, are they gonna get bored of me? And it’s funny because I’ve had boyfriends go, Tina, you’re a lot of things, but you are not boring. But yeah. But here’s the thing though. When your father, who’s the male figure in your life,
11:36
is supposed to support you and lift you up. mean, it’s doing nothing but telling you the message is you’re not worthy. How do you get out of that, right? So, I don’t know, I started going to a psychologist when I was probably 21 and I didn’t really, you know, here’s something that just happened recently. I had somebody on my show and she is an energy healer.
12:03
And I’ve had so many energy healers try to heal my heart. Even this therapist from like in my 20s goes, you’re like a steel tank. I mean, like nobody’s getting in there. And I’m like, what are you talking about? I get in relationships that’s different than really being in a relationship and opening up your heart and everything else. so all the other energy clearers, like I had one that goes Tina, I tried six times to get in there and you kept kicking me out. This one actually got in there.
12:33
but she did something called shadow work with me before she tried to get in there. She basically asked permission to that part of me that was like holding, you know, the gatekeeper to my heart. And I’m telling you, the next day after the, first of all, was sick when I had the reading, but I didn’t want to cancel it. The next day, I can’t even tell you, I feel like a new person. I’m like running around with this energy and you know, that really is, that’s really has gotten me into.
13:03
Energy is everything and that’s what I try and tell my clients too. It’s like you’ve got to keep yourself on that a Emotional scale, know, it’s one to 22 Abraham Hicks. I don’t know. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah I said, know what though your main focus all day long is Not how many calls you’re making how many contacts I mean, you know Tom Ferry would kill me for saying that but I say only job is to keep your energy frequency Try to keep it at number one, which is joy you do attract people then
13:33
You attract your business, you know, and that’s the one thing that I learned later on in life too, which is probably the most important thing that anybody can learn. I’ve been really working on energy, you know, just awareness and shifting into an emotional state. But, you know, I’ve gone through two divorces also, and I’ve noticed recently that I, like, I am on when I’m working.
14:00
You know, and I can go 15 hours and no problem. But when I’m not... an empath and an HSP, you cannot do that, by the way. Well, that’s probably why I’ve never thought that about myself. But I can go 15 hours. But when I’m not working, I’m tired. And I do want to go lay in my bed and just read a book. And I’m not like going out and meeting people or doing anything. And there’s a part of me that wonders if like it resonates what you’re saying. Like there’s a part locked, like...
14:30
I wonder if there’s a part of me that I’m not aware of because it doesn’t hurt and it’s not negative, but maybe it’s just more boxed or like, I don’t know, like maybe there’s something blocking my energy that, you know, is just a protective medic mechanism. I don’t know, but I know I can work and I’m powerful and I love what I do, but like I’m just noticing, you know, cause you go through a divorce and
14:57
you give yourself time and I don’t wanna go anywhere. But now I’m like, okay, it’s been a year and a half. Like, do you want it? And I’m like, no, no, I don’t wanna go anywhere. And I’m tired. Well, yeah, you should, you know, but you should listen to that, cause that’s called cocooning. Okay. You know, and then there’s something called the dark night of the soul. I don’t know if you’ve ever been through that. That really, that was heavy. I mean, you feel like you’re dying. And you are, you’re dying to the ego is what you’re doing. And I went through it.
15:25
See, I’ve been here a year, two, it was like two and a half years ago, three years ago. You know what happened was the universe just shut everything down for me, okay? I injured my ankle, I tore my Achilles, so I couldn’t even walk. The two, I had moved to the beach, my two girlfriends there, just, I just, they eliminated from my life. It wasn’t like something horrible or anything.
15:52
And there I was not being able to walk, not having any, it was like, was like, here’s what I got. It was a download that was like, the universe is like, you are going to sit there and you’re going to go through this because you know what? Like we all do distraction, distraction, distraction, wanted me to get this. And that’s where I’m kind of going with you too, with your 15 hours of working. You know what I mean? And then, you know, so it really just brought me to the next level.
16:22
of where, you know, the universe is always putting in front of you challenges so you can get to the next level, just like school, right? Not gonna get in the second grade if you haven’t learned everything in first grade. And it wants you to go forward. It wants you to go forward. But for me, I think it was even more difficult because I didn’t even know if I wanted to go forward. Because to me, moving forward is scary.
16:50
I mean, I was in fight or flight my whole life, Colleen, up until, you know, two years ago or a year and a half ago. Now, like the first thing I do in the morning is I listen to my binaural beats while I meditate with my red light therapy. And then I do deep breathing for 10 minutes to calm my central nervous system down. But most people don’t know about this. If they have anxiety, what do they do? They go to the doctor and they take a Xanax. And you know what? It’s not getting to the problem.
17:18
Right. know, when all you really have to do to regulate your nervous system is breathing and just slow down and calm down. And so for you, you know, I’m not trying to coach you here or anything, but maybe like for me, I could never sit still. Even if I was watching a movie, if a commercial came on, oh, I got to go do the laundry. But that was my training. Like I always had to be productive. So now what I’m learning is it feels so good to just kind of just to be.
17:47
I don’t have to be doing something to be loved. I don’t have to be doing something because otherwise, mean, I’m like feeling like that whip is being cracked behind me all the time. mean, was literally, I was headed towards probably an early death because your system can’t handle that anymore, you know? But, then what you’re doing, I went through that too. That’s called cocooning and you’re like recalibrating, you’re realigning, you’re probably, you know, I think it’s really healthy.
18:15
What’s the alternative? What do a lot of people do? They get right in the saddle. I’m to find husband number four or number three. I’m all stocked up. I mean, if I’m getting another one, it’s going to be a wife. Like, I need somebody to me dinner. Oh, I’ve thought that a million times. I’m like, why? I mean, we understand each other so much better than men. I know. I know. I feel like I’m kind of.
18:41
It’s like I’m a little bit of both of what you’re describing. Like I can go 15 hours a day, but I, you know, I raised four kids. I had three step kids. So the life you’re describing where I can never sit down. That was me. But now it’s like I’m all work or I do like I like favorite thing to do. I’m like, I’m just going to say it. I go lay in my bed and listen to an audible book. You know? Um, I mean I walk and exercise in the morning and then in the evening I, and I’m like, this isn’t the life I want.
19:10
But it’s just, it’s, I don’t know, I don’t know. But for me, like I, at least cognitively, I’m not afraid of it. Like I, if you’re saying like I need to do shadow work or I need to do, you know, some other form of whatever, like I want to go right in. I’m not afraid. Like I do move forward. And I think some of it is also fear. Like I don’t want to be, I don’t want to wake up and I can’t walk and you know, my business collapses or whatever. Like, so I’m like all about.
19:40
you know, proactive energy work. So I’m very interested. I’ll put you in touch with Heidi. I’m telling you, it was, I’ve never had a breakthrough like that before ever. And I’ve done how many sessions? I’ve probably done 20 sessions before with different people and they helped to some degree, but it never kicked the door open. Never. I just went through a deep NLP and I can’t say, I mean, but there were some breakthroughs. It was good, but
20:09
Like that’s where I’m like, there’s something there that I’m not aware of because I am the most open minded, open hearted, like let’s, let’s pull the crap out, but it’s something it’s like, I can’t see it or something. I don’t know. Yeah. So what she’ll, she’ll do first is she’ll do the reading for about an hour. She’ll read you and she’ll write down everything and she’ll send you everything that came out. Okay. No. And then that’s been the other, the second hour, which is another day, obviously that’s when she clears you.
20:39
All right. And I’ll tell you one thing, in all of my clearings, they all kind of do it the same way except without sheeded the shadow work. But over and over was the word terror kept coming up for me. Terror. And that’s the way I felt. I mean, I was so disconnected from my body because what happens is if you can’t feel terror anymore, you’re gonna explode, right? Then you just kind of jump off yourself.
21:04
So I was so, when I was going through the dark night of the soul, was like I was fragmented. And the only way I can put it is that I was like a bomb blew me up and I’m trying to gather all these parts and put myself back together. You know, and this time I really feel like in my body and I don’t think most people do. I really don’t think most people even know what that means. They’d be like, well, what does that mean? It’s like, if you have to ask that question, you probably are right. Yeah.
21:32
Yeah, and it’s also layered and it’s a spectrum. You know, I feel very much in my body. But what came to me like this weekend, I did a breathwork session and I’m like, okay, maybe my sacral chakra is close for sexuality and creativity. I’m very creative. but that could be a higher level thing. But like that part of me might be shut down. My heart was shut down. And my sacral was shut down and my my
22:02
Crown was muddy. My heart was shut and my crown was muddy. Yeah. yeah, that might be it. You know it girl. So if you’re not feeling like you want to get back in the saddle, so to speak, you know, it’s probably your Well, okay. So talk to me. You said you’ve been doing this one or two years. Like, you know, you were a real estate.
22:25
successful and then now you do flow coaching. Can you talk to me a little bit about your professional? Well, I’m still doing real estate coaching. So I’ve been doing real estate coaching in October. It’ll be eight years. And then I also have another business, which is flow coaching gives one, through all this, I realized the most important thing is to be in alignment with yourself, be at a high vibration so you can be in flow. So if anybody that doesn’t know what that means,
22:55
We have been taught to push, push, push, work hard, work hard. know, the more hard you work, the more successful you’re gonna be, kinda like my dad, but it wasn’t kind of like a similar thing there. But really it’s all about the opposite. It’s about being in flow. And I remember my oldest friend kept saying, Tina, you need to slow down. You need to slow down. I’m going.
23:17
How can I slow down? I’m not even getting everything done that I need to get done in a day by going at this pace, you know? I was a single mom since my son was five and a half months old. He’s 21 now. So, you know, that on top of going, how am going to make ends meet and the house, everything. So what’s interesting is that she was right. And she didn’t even know why she was right. But when we slow down, the universe matches our energy, okay?
23:44
When you’re going a million miles an hour, okay, are you making the best decisions? First of all, what is it doing in your nervous system? It’s ramping it up. It’s putting it in fight or flight. So when you slow down, it sounds weird, but I get more done when I slow down. And being in flow is the best feeling in the whole world. You’re attracting, you’re in a great energy. You’re just moving from one task or one situation evenly into the next.
24:12
You know, as opposed, I just thought of something when my son was in school, like I was not in flow at all. I’d wake up, I’d make him breakfast, frantically make him breakfast, then I’d make him his lunch, get in the car, drive like this to school. I was always like three minutes late. I don’t, don’t ask me, you know, and that’s my whole day went that way. You know what I’m saying? And now that’s why I say to my clients, to everybody I know, most important thing for the first hour, at least 45 minutes.
24:40
that when you open your eyes, it’s all dedicated to you. If you have to wake up an hour earlier, fine, if you have kids or whatever, but this is what sets the tone of your day. And that’s what keeps me like regular deep breathing, the binaural beats. Actually, you know, I’m having Dr. Patrick Porter on at the end of the month. He just created, well, he didn’t just, he’s created something called the Brain Tap. And you put it on your head, it’s a headset.
25:10
And it’s got red and blue light coming, know, red light therapy and blue light therapy with binaural beats. You can pick any kind of song or whatever. And he goes, it’s really good for sleep. And I’m like, let me try this thing out. So I did it like four in the afternoon. And I’m like, now I know why he says do it before you go to sleep. It puts you in the most relaxed meditative state. But anyways, he’s going to be on in a couple of weeks, but all this kind of stuff, I, you know, I don’t know how I did without it.
25:39
before. Yeah, it was called survival mode. exactly. I would say when I look back, I didn’t even know I was in survival mode, know, normal. That’s normal. Up until the wheels fell off the bus, you know, for me, it was with alcohol. But you know, I ran like that for 20 years, you know, I had four kids, I woke up every morning, somebody was screaming at me and it was go time. And I like that for
26:08
you know, all day long and then poured alcohol on it, passed out and did it all again the next day. Yeah, I mean, and yeah, how else do you, you know, it’s called mommy juice, right? I you know, well, there’s other ways you could do it. You know what I mean? Like the end of the day, you can do yoga or something like that. But yeah, I did yoga. I just drank when I got home. Yeah, you did when you got home. I get it. I hear you. mean, life is difficult.
26:35
I mean, it is a challenge, it really is, but you know, these tools definitely help. mean, I’m still like this, but I’m so much better. I mean, my son never understood it. Like anything that would go a little bit wrong, I’d be in a panic. Mom, calm down, it’s not that big of a deal. Like, oh my God, I think I broke this. Oh my God, I don’t think this is gonna work. I mean, I just snap, just snap at little things.
27:01
So that’s, know, looking back, I mean, I just have so much compassion for myself. And also I never allowed myself to have fun. You know, I got to a point this last year, I was like.
27:14
When you work all the time, like you do, it’s, what do you do for fun? Well, I hike. Well, okay. What else? It’s like, well, I used to like to read. I think a good exercise when people are trying to figure that out is what did you like to do as a kid? You know, and I always used to like to hike and get out in nature and things like that. But that was coming up. That’s been coming up for me too, because I’ve been reading a Gabby Bernstein self-help book. If you read that, you have all the different parts of you.
27:43
And I’m telling you, that one’s screaming a lot. I wanna have fun, screw you. I’m not gonna do anything unless you’re gonna let me have fun, right? Yeah, yeah, that’s so interesting. When I was a kid, read. Like I was one of those kids that me and my best friend, I did have a friend, but we would sit on a stack of books. And I can remember going to her house, because I had to get all my books from the library. I wasn’t like that. And she had...
28:09
a whole extra room in her house that was just all her books. And I loved it. But so I think it’s just so interesting. It’s almost like we’re opposite in different ways. Because then I grew up and wanted to hike and I snowboarded and skied and scuba dived. I do all these things. And then now I’m kind of back to this. But you know, it’s also just an ebb and flow of life to nothing has gone wrong. I’m just ready. You know, I don’t want to I’m only 51. Like I don’t I don’t want to you’ve got Yeah, exactly. And look where you are.
28:39
you’re in a great position because you know what, most people go through this life and never get it, you know? Speaking of like reading, I was always forced to read by my parents. was the piano. I had so many things I was going. I had dance, I had tap, ballet, I had track, I had tennis three or four times a week, then I had piano. When I finally got to drop something, it was piano. I remember thinking, oh, for reading. That’s why I never really liked reading, but also,
29:08
I didn’t realize until a couple years ago either that I have three different kinds of ADD. I didn’t even know there was three kinds of ADD. So one of them is the ring of fire. So if you took a picture of my brain, it’s always lit up. that’s why audios are better for me because I can turn it off the speed. Otherwise I’m like, come on, come on. I mean, it’s like funny when I wake up in the morning, like the minute that most people like, give me a minute, I need some coffee. I’ll see my son.
29:37
Hey, so did you edit this? And he’s like, mom, I just woke up. So yeah, that can be challenging too. But you know everything, there’s the yin and the yang. There’s always an upside for everything. Yeah, I have ADHD. I mean, I don’t know if there’s a big difference. But I know for me, my brain turns on in the morning. So as much as I do center myself and prioritize my energy,
30:06
I also can get that done in about three minutes because my brain is just like, it’s go time. Like that is the magical time for my brain. And it’s hard for me to prioritize a little slower because that’s when I produce my best content. That’s when all my ideas come. I love it. Yeah. Morning is the best for me too. Don’t talk to me after like four in the afternoon. No, I’m not. There’s no brain power going on. No, no. So talk to me a little bit about what flow
30:34
coaching is, is that something that you created? Is that a modality that you got Oh, no, it’s a modality. I actually got certified for it and they- never heard of it. Oh, yeah. So-
30:48
So it’s combination, like you do exercises to calm your body down to get more in alignment so you can get more in the flow. It’s all about deregulating your prefrontal cortex to get it into a calm meditative state. So not only can you take new information in, which is why I listen to the binaural beats with IAM affirmations. I don’t do those all, I always listen to binaural beats.
31:12
But I, for a year, probably every day, I’d listen to them with I am affirmation. So I am powerful. I am strong. I am smart. You know, it’s all recorded. You can get them on, on YouTube. And so the binaural beats deregulates your prefrontal cortex. So now it’s in a meditative state so it can absorb these words because I had so much rewinding, you know, you have to, as you know, changing the neural pathways for how many years was my brain telling me I was unworthy?
31:43
you know, get to it, you’re not doing enough and just being a slave to myself pretty much, right? So I, this is, I found the quickest and fast. I used to write affirmations down, but I think this is just, it’s a double whammy. so I, so with anybody with flow coaching, it’s life, life coaching. You know, we, take what’s going on in their life, what they’d like to improve upon, what they, you know, what they, uh, and
32:11
and then getting them into a flow state, which is going to get them there much faster instead of working harder. I don’t believe that at all. I like I tell my clients to read the book, 10X is easier than 2X or the four hour work week. That’s the way to go. know? I love that. And I, know, real estate agents, they’re like, I have to work every day. No, you don’t. And I said, I really want you guys taking two days off and preferably two days in a row, because you cannot be creative. You cannot be 10X in your business if you’re stressed all the time.
32:40
Where does the creativity have a chance to blossom? If you’re sitting there working, no offense, 15 hours a day, you know, but you have a very quick mind, yours starts in the morning. But what I’m saying, if they’re doing real estate all the time, how are they gonna brand themselves differently? How are they gonna present themselves differently? How are they gonna elevate in their personal life and everything else? So. I think to your point, what...
33:06
I just had a meeting with my team earlier this week and I said, know, everybody, whatever your job is and level is in this organization, you need to be spending at least 10 minutes a day up to an hour where you are in plan big picture mode because otherwise it’s like for me, I can go a long time on auto automatic. I’m very productive. I am creative in that mode, but it’s like you’re swimming so hard.
33:35
but you don’t pull your head up and look where you’re going. so you’re not really like taking the time to look at where do I want to be one year from now? Like that’s one of my favorite coaching questions, like coaching 101, like where do you want to be one year from now? How do you expect to get where you want to go if you don’t know where you’re going? If today you don’t have a bullseye, how are you going to hit the bullseye? If today you are rinse and repeating yesterday and your habits really aren’t sustainable.
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you know, especially like with the drinking habit or just with workaholism or whatever it is you’re doing where you are running on a deficit, that’s not taking you in the right direction. No, but the belief that we can’t slow down or I will slow down when that’s one of my favorites. Oh, yeah, I will slow down as soon as like, yeah, back, but then you never get there. No, no, because you’re not going to let yourself get there.
34:33
You know, we are just so unkind to ourselves and we just don’t practice enough care and empathy and everybody else comes, especially as women, everybody comes before us. Yeah. You know, I just bought my son a shirt and I go, I wouldn’t even spend that on myself. But for my son, work. I know. To double click on, you know, you’re never going to get there. It’s because there is a feeling, not a fact.
35:00
And that’s going back to like energetic alignment. You know, I spend a lot of time. One of my mantras this week, I always have a new one, but this week it is I’m available to be here now. You know, so if I’m on the treadmill and it’s minute six, I’m like, I’m available to be at minute six on the treadmill. Like I don’t need it to be over or, you I’m available to be here in July, even though like we have big plans for all these things that I want to have done. And it’s going to be October, but I’m available to be here because what
35:29
to the energetic point, like you attract more of how you feel. And so if you always feel like you have to get there, then even when you get there, you don’t know you’re there. You don’t know you’re there. And then you just raise the ceiling. That’s all you do. The brain’s always moving the bar. I that. I was notorious for that. Notorious for when I hit a goal or I did something. Okay, now what? Never stop to get, and that’s the other thing I have my clients do at the end of the evening.
35:59
They write down everything and they did well, and then they make another list of things they could approve upon. You know what I mean? And that way, because otherwise, nobody’s giving you a pat on the back. And if you’re not giving yourself pat on the back, how are you gonna go, right? And what was that? I was just thinking about something when you were saying that about energetically with the flow coaching too. Yeah, well, that’s, yeah, if you can’t slow down enough and you’re just like on that hamster wheel,
36:28
You’re not present, right? So, I mean, what they say is if you’re looking behind you, you’re gonna be filled with regret. And if you look too far ahead of you, you’re gonna be anxious. So why would you wanna be either one of those, right? If you stay in the moment, it’s gonna be a lot easier to stay in flow too. It’s when we get too ahead of ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with having goals and actionable steps every single day, as long as they’re chunked down. Because for me, my brain goes, used to go.
36:56
If I can’t understand from A to Z how I’m gonna get there, I’m not doing it. Now I go, well, hey, all you have to do is A to B right now. And you know what? I used to clobber myself for not getting all this stuff done if I just wanted to go relax for the rest of the day. I never really was relaxing, because even though I’d be lying down, this is going, you’re such a piece of shit. You should have been doing more today. What are you thinking? You know what, right? I mean, I’m just-
37:24
And I just think the more that we talk about this, Colleen, it allows other people to go, God, I’m not alone. And I think that’s the one thing for my whole life. I just felt so alone, so different. And now that I’ve got these tools and now that I know why I’m so extra sensitive than most people, it’s my nervous system. I’m wondering, they say you can...
37:51
be born that way, whatever your mom was feeling when she had you in the womb, if she was carrying a lot of stress, or it could have been, you know, learned from my dad or instilled because of my dad. Yeah. So, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. nervous system. It’s what you’re dealing with. You know, it’s like being five foot tall or six foot tall, both come with issues. You’re nervous. Like there is no right way or normal way. Like when you just learn like, no, this is the body you got issued at birth.
38:21
You’re in charge of it until you’re out of here. And it doesn’t matter what other people are. It matters like what does my body need in this moment? And I think that this conversation can be so empowering because for years, the reason I thought I had to get there so damn fast was because I thought that it was external, like external things. had no idea that my feelings
38:48
were product of my thoughts and my subconscious programming and my belief and my identity. And so like the good news, ladies who are listening, is that the call’s coming from inside the house. And you think you can’t slow down because then you won’t be able to support yourself or everything’s gonna fall apart or whatever, but that’s not the way it is. And when you prioritize your nervous system, you get smarter. You get more productive. You probably get richer. You probably get happier.
39:17
You know, and it’s just- When you’re creating space, right? So if you’re running a million miles an hour, there is no space for anything new to come in. Right. Right. You know? And that’s another reason why I need my downtime. And also I keep my circle very small. I think I always have my whole life, but I’m very particular. So, you know, if I don’t feel like talking to anybody that day, my friends know me well enough. If I’m not picking up, it’s cause I need some downtime, you know? And I used to be the biggest P-
39:46
wouldn’t that make sense for me to be the biggest people pleaser? Cause I didn’t feel worthy, right? So I could never say no. that’s what then I never gave to myself. I was giving everybody else because at least I felt alive. At least I felt needed. At least I felt wanted. I felt worthy. Oh, I can help people. And that’s actually how I got into coaching. But you know, let me just say from a very, very young age, people used to come to me and like pour their deepest, darkest secrets out. So I think
40:14
Yeah, I was meant to be in this genre. you know what they say, your mess becomes your message. And I really am finding more and more people that that’s happening. I had not heard that. Your mess becomes your message. Yeah. Think about it. The things that you go through the hardest in your life, that’s where you become an expert. Yeah. Who better to help other people than an expert? Yeah. Yeah.
40:45
Talk to me about your podcast. My podcast. I’ve been doing it. It’s taken a couple. I stopped doing it when I was going through the dark night of the soul. OK, so that’s one of the things that happened. It’s like literally I couldn’t get out of bed. mean, I literally I mean, I was still taking my coaching calls, but I had a green screen and I was taking him from my bed and nobody knew it because that’s where I felt safest. But so when I went through this.
41:12
that, yeah, again, trying to do too much. I had brand affiliate deals. Got to do a video here, know, got to do a video there. Keep up with social media and podcasts. So I just went, I walked away from all of it for like, I don’t know, eight or nine months. So now re like integrated myself. So now it’s all focused on holistic practices, products to become the best version of yourself. I mean, I am a cancer survivor.
41:41
I had breast cancer in 2011. They did a lumpectomy. They wanted me to do radiation and follow up with a drug called Tamoxifen, which they usually do. And I didn’t do any of that except the lumpectomy. I did not do the radiation. Everybody thought I was crazy. I looked up Tamoxifen. The first thing it says is it’s a carcinogen. So I said, nope. I started reading The pH Miracle by Dr. Robert Young and had the
42:09
honor of interviewing him four times, he’s now in prison now for I think 15 years. He’s gone in and out of prison because he’s helping people and Big Pharma doesn’t like that. so I healed basically myself. I just did alkaline foods and it’s been gone since 2011. So that’s when I really started going, hey, this is crazy. Like you can heal yourself without.
42:36
these harmful like radiation. I’m sorry that I could my immune system probably would be really compromised right now if I did that and if people that have to do that. Look, I understand. I’m not poo pooing anybody out there because this is a serious decision you’ve got to make but so I just have I’m just like on the cutting edge and I love to learn and so I that’s why I want to impart it to to my audience because this is stuff that you’re not going to be hearing on mainstream media for the most part.
43:06
Okay, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think the more you can get out of the mainstream media, I mean, you have to be smart and keep your eyes open. But you know, I don’t listen to news. I don’t either. Tim Ferriss, I think is the one who said it somebody, somebody in a book said it, I think it was the four hour workweek. goes, if something is going on that I need to know about somebody will tell me. I know, have a couple ex husbands who will text me. So I’m I’m updated on floods and earthquakes. Right.
43:35
So I’m like, yeah, no, I don’t need, because my energy, my space, I don’t have time to absorb, much less integrate that negative energy. Well, you have time, but do want to scare the hell out of yourself every day? Yeah. Well, and it just becomes your reticular activating system. Yes. I have so many clients who are beside themselves because of the political situation, women’s rights, or...
44:04
you know, immigration or happen. And they are there. They’re not helping the world. They’re being destroyed by the stories that they see. It’s like you’d be far much better to if you’re really into women’s rights, like go find a woman who needs help and help her in her. Exactly. Make a difference than just sit there and absorb the doom and gloom that you hear from the talking heads, which, by the way, are just run by, you know, commercials buying time.
44:34
I mean, I can, I’m- Well, actually, you know, it’s all run by big pharma. Right. They own the media. They own the government. They own everything. I remember before 9-11, that was when the ticker across, like, that was when cable news was born. Oh, right. And now people sit and watch for hours and hours and hours. And it was like, well, you’re not staying informed. I’m like, I feel like no news is better than that news. So- Yeah, right, right. Exactly. And it’s a sh-
45:02
And like just what you said, I think the more that you raise your consciousness and you raise your elevation, that in itself is gonna help raise the conscious, collective consciousness by you doing that. I really believe that like, whether you use, I don’t know if it’s new agey or woo woo terms, but like new earth and old earth, like I think the new earth, like I wanna become the change I wanna see, which means I have to see it.
45:30
Which means I have to see the good. I, can’t, you can’t, you can’t fight for peace and expect to win. You know, it’s like you have to rise above and out of it and become, and then invite others. It’s a grassroot one-on-one. Be the peace instead of fighting for peace. the peace. Be the peace. other people how to be the peace. Yeah. You see what I’m saying? Yeah. I do. And that’s how I live my life as well. You know, I don’t, I don’t need to, to bitch at or
45:59
about the world. need to take care of myself and my people and have joy today. I need to make a meal. I need to sit outside. I need to talk to my dog, talk to her about some stuff. But I think that, you know, unplugging from
46:16
It’s like every year there’s more and more stimulation and distractions if you weren’t in HSP You’re about to be like it’s that doesn’t ever end and you have a boundary around and yeah, it’s an it’s addictive I mean, you know if if it weren’t for my business, I would not be on social media I gotta be honest and there are you know But the good news is the people that always come across my feed now because it reads what you’re I’m not looking at celebrities. I’m looking at
46:42
You know holistic health. I’m looking at healers. I’m looking at shamans I’m looking like all those people that I would look them up anyway, so that’s the good news So if I am scrolling I’m scrolling not for mindless stuff. It’s like information this one person I just started following it’s like I feel like she’s talking to me Colleen She was saying that when you’re meant to be to do really do something profound in like this energetic kind of field, you know spiritual field that
47:11
The universe will keep you from a lot of money and will keep you from love because it wants to make sure you don’t get sidetracked before you hit your purpose. And I’ve always felt that. I’m going, why can’t I find my person? Right? But there’s some annoying inside because as an HSP, because we feel so much strong and everything else, I used to be what, do know the attachment styles? Yeah. Okay. So I used to be an anxious. Imagine that.
47:41
Yeah. So, and it would just be like, screw my life. I’m all in. I’m like looking at them. And I think the universe has been giving me some tests lately and I’m passing them like with flying colors. Do you know what I mean? I’m not in a relationship right now, but it’s like, I’m not willing to put anything else first. I come first. God comes first. I come first. And that’s not selfish. That’s like,
48:09
being the best person that I can now can be that best person for everybody in my life, whether it’s clients or my family or my friends or whatever. And set an example. Well, and I always think of, I grew up watching Oprah Winfrey. And you know, remember when they used to say, what would Jesus do? WWJD. I always say WWOD. What would Oprah do? Because you look at someone like her, because she’s female. So I, you know, and she’s powerful.
48:39
And every time I get a text and I don’t respond, you know, it’s like, well, would Oprah be every time your phone lights up, you got to grab it and respond. Or every time somebody wants to toxic dump their problems on you. It’s like the more boundary and self-care focused I get, the more capable I get and the more powerful. Yeah, the less you need the things out there. Right.
49:05
Right? How people just are. You could be the most powerful person in room, be sitting in a prison cell. Exactly. comes from inside. Exactly. That’s what we’ve been taught to get it outside calling. Right. Right. I I said this a lot, a lot, but everything that you’ve been taught is probably the opposite of what it should be. You know, that’s selfish to do. No, you’re no, you stay integrated, you stay aligned, and then you’re going to make the right decisions for yourself and for everybody else.
49:35
Yeah. Be the change you want to see. Go in, not without. It really is just the opposite. Not out there. Everything you think, it’s the opposite. Whatever makes you, I mean, you know, just ask yourself that question. You know, it’s like, is it the car? I mean, I just bought a beautiful car. I just bought a beautiful house. Yes, I love it. I appreciate it. I walk around my house going, thank you, God, thank you. But it’s really a reflection of how I feel inside. You’ve heard that too.
50:03
Your outer world is just a reflection of your inner world. And my outer world did not look like this a couple of years ago. Yeah. Because my inner world was compromised to say it lightly. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this has been a wonderful conversation.
50:21
Do you have anything else that you want to share? Like when you were thinking about what we’re going to talk about? Is there anything I didn’t hit? No, no, I just want to thank you so much and thank you for everything that you do. You’re, you’re such a light and such an inspiration. And I just want to thank you so much for having me. Well, I appreciate you as well. So the name of your podcast is Transparent with Tina. You can watch it on Spotify or iTunes or Apple.
50:49
It also airs on my YouTube channel, is my name, Tina Marks, M-A-R-X TV. So you can watch the pod. can watch it or you can listen to it, whatever one you want to do. All right. Well, thank you so much, Tina. Thank you, Colleen. All right. That’s it for this week’s episode. Thank you so much for listening. And I put all of Tina’s information in the show notes. And then I just want to say that if this episode lit something up for you, if you felt even
51:18
for one moment that there is more available to you and you’re ready to do the work to move through the binds of emotions that are holding you back. If you had a glimpse that there is more available to you, then there is more available to you. And that feeling is proof that the version of you who’s capable of more already exists. You don’t need to earn her.
51:47
You just need to stop tuning into the noise that says you can’t be her until you get everything figured out. Fix your drinking, heal all of your past traumas, change your diet, start working out again, quit your job and build a business, fix your relationship or leave it, whatever. You don’t need to do anything in order to become her. You become her and then all the things you wanna do just happen naturally.
52:17
Inside my program, the next chapter, we’re not chasing perfection. We’re rewiring your nervous system. We are retraining your thought patterns. We are restoring your relationship with yourself so that alcohol stops being a solution because it stops being the problem. You don’t have to stay sober to fix the problem. You don’t have to identify as someone who’s got a lot of work to do because you’re broken.
52:44
You just have to start seeing yourself as somebody who is taking care of herself, who is giving herself the support that she needs to move forward. So if you’re ready for the kind of change that lasts, because it’s an expression of your true identity, not just your behavior, then click the link in the show notes and apply for a discovery call. You don’t have to commit to joining the program. You just have to commit to having a conversation.
53:14
with somebody who understands what you’re going through and who isn’t gonna judge you or pressure you to move in one direction or another. When you talk to me or somebody on my team, I don’t do all of the calls, but when you allow yourself to be seen as you are, where you are, you feel liberated because speaking your truth changes your truth. It is not the truth that sets you free, my friends. It is you who sets the truth free.
53:43
by allowing it to change, to evolve, and to move you in the direction of your heart’s desires. If you’re ready to rise to the next level, I can help you do it. As long as you’re coachable and open to learning and you’re willing to commit to the process and to trust the process, then transformation is absolutely available to you. And science shows the fastest way to transform your mind.
54:13
which is what we’re doing, is to join a tribe of like-minded people with similar goals. In my community, we’re getting happy, not sober. Emotional sobriety is the goal. Emotional intelligence, higher level thinking, freedom from low level emotions like shame and guilt and fear. And that freedom is a skill. It’s a practice.
54:39
So if you’re interested in hearing more about that practice and our community and coaching, then take one small action step, get in the show notes, click the link, and apply for a discovery call. Otherwise, thank you so much for listening. I hope you have a kick-ass week. I’ll see you on the next episode.