Episode 232 Minisode: Healing Emotionally Abusive Thinking Habits
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Hello everyone. So I do a daily podcast called Coffee with Colleen inside my emotional sobriety coaching program. These are short, sweet mini-sodes that either give you an inside look at something I’m going through in my own life or a simple, easy strategy that you can implement or both. You may hear me reference other content that only my clients have access to. So if you’re interested in learning more about my program,
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get in the show notes and schedule a discovery call with me or my team. My name is Colleen and I’m a mindful drinking coach helping high achieving professional women permanently reduce their alcohol consumption by 80%. Join me each week for evidence-based holistic strategies to regulate your nervous system, balance your dopamine and activate the growth mindset that makes you so powerful in other areas of your life.
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so you can stop worrying about losing control and trust yourself again. Get happy, not sober. It’s not about the alcohol.
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Healing your relationship with yourself really boils down to awareness, mindfulness. You have to truly understand and believe that the way you feel about yourself is a reflection of how you think about yourself. It has nothing to do with the actual circumstances of your past or your present or your abilities or your future or anything. The way you feel about yourself
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is a reflection of what words are in your brain that you are thinking about yourself. You can think anything you want, and none of your thoughts are actually true. The only ones that feel true are the ones that you repeat over and over. The more you repeat an idea or a question or an opinion in your brain, the more your body believes it.
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Nervous system is listening to the story in your head So the more you repeat something over and over the more your body believes it and as your body believes it it Habituates that thought process and the way it keeps you on track What is a habit something you do without really thinking about it thoughts or habits, too? Okay, so the way the body habituates is it sends up signals when you get off track those signals are called emotions
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So negative emotions actually keep you in line to continue to repeat the same thoughts and the same behaviors that you have in the past, because that’s how biology works. What kept you alive in the past will keep you alive in the future. And so doing something different requires conscious awareness, mindfulness, to interrupt the thought patterns and respond differently to the feelings.
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that are designed to get you to continue to repeat the behavior and thinking is a behavior. So we were talking on a group call recently and one of the gals was saying that she’s always felt insecure, she struggles with confidence, she feels like she’s a hot mess and compares herself to other people and usually finds evidence that somehow she is lacking or less than or doesn’t have herself as put together as the people around her.
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But the only reason she feels that way is because that is what she continues to think in her brain. If you look at the outside evidence of this woman’s life, she’s a highly successful, highly educated woman. She makes good money. She’s a loving mother. She has a lot of friends. So there is no evidence that she would have any reason to feel insecure and not put together and like somehow she’s not measuring up.
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So the story in her head that she is insecure is creating the feelings of insecure. I asked her on the call when she mentioned that, said, would you ever tell me to my face at least that I am insecure? She’s like, God, no, I would never say that to you. I’m like, right, because telling somebody they’re insecure is an insult, right? How does it feel to know that you’re telling yourself that you’re insecure?
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And that the more you are thinking you are insecure, the more you’re feeling insecure, which is creating insecure behaviors. And you’re looking for evidence that you have a reason to feel this way. I mean, this is how simple and also complex this is. The very thought that she’s insecure is the only thing that’s creating the feelings of insecurity. I’ve cleaned up my inside language quite a bit. And when I do notice a thought, I’m quick to, to extract it.
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This morning, I was having a pretend conversation with a friend who at some point recently had said that I should start dating again. And I was telling her to myself in the mirror, like we do, that I don’t trust myself to get into a relationship right now. Like, I’m not even open to even a one-night stand or something. The current marriage I just exited is a one-night stand gone wrong. It lasted 11 years.
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So the thought and story in my head, and it kind of sounds funny to say that, right, is that I don’t trust myself to get into a relationship. Well, when I noticed that, I was like, whoa, stop the bus inside, bully bitch. We are not going to say that about Colleen. And I immediately shifted it to, god, I completely trust myself to know what I need. And right now, I do not need a dude or any other relationship.
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because I’m doing me, I am happy, I’m gonna choose myself and be my own partner. So part of healing your relationship with yourself is to realize your thoughts aren’t true and many of them quite frankly are abusive. You say things to yourself, you think things about yourself on a deep subconscious level that you would not say to anybody else and really you’d probably beat yourself up for even thinking that because your inside voice would immediately tell you that you’re being a judgmental shrew, okay?
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So you have to start sticking up for yourself and interrupting these language patterns, these thinking habits, thoughts or habits too, noticing and interrupting them and then choosing to think a different thought on purpose, right in the middle of the shitty feeling that has popped up because it’s alerted you to the old thought pattern. I say it a lot and I’ll say it again, your shitty feelings are your friends. They’re telling you,
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when there’s a subconscious thought process that is harmful to you. Pain is always your body’s way of trying to get your attention. So pay attention and take the time to set some standards for what you will and will not tolerate in terms of what is being said about the beautiful creature that is your human body. Protect her, make friends with her, and create a safe space for her
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just like you do for all the other people in your life. Set a goal for today or an intention to notice when subconscious feelings are reminding you of the old stories that you aren’t good enough, you’re insecure, you’re weak, you’re less than, whatever. Set an intention to notice when those feelings arise and then to take your power back and make it safe. And not just safe, loving.
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and beautiful and welcoming and forgiving and trusting and allowing as you walk your body through this journey we call life. So I want you to identify the low hanging fruit. What is one thought or opinion that you have about yourself that as you’ve listened to this has come up of something you tell yourself that is abusive and shitty and needs to change. I want you to call that up and then I want you to spend a few minutes thinking about
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what you could replace that thought when the time comes, you notice the feeling, okay, so now what do you wanna think on purpose? So I switched my thought from I can’t trust myself in a relationship to I completely trust myself to know when I’m ready for a relationship. Both of those thoughts felt true and I’m just gonna go with plan B on that one. Going back to the example of telling the story that you’ve always felt insecure, you could be as basic and simple as,
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I love getting emotionally sober and learning how to use my brain to heal my brain. All right, thanks for listening. And if you’re a high achieving, coachable woman who is ready to commit to manifesting your best life, and you’re gonna need to reduce your alcohol consumption by about 80 % so that alcohol goes back to being a pleasure instead of a soul sucking problem, get in the show notes and click the link.
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and schedule a discovery call with me or my team.