Episode 259 Minisode: The Mindset That Sees The Problem Is The Problem
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On a recent trip to San Diego, I arrived at the airport only to realize I’d booked my flight on the wrong day. I fixed that only to get to the car rental place and discover that my driver’s license was expired. I fixed that too, but then I left my wallet at the counter where it was stolen. And at first, my brain did what all of our brains do. This sucks. Why me? I don’t have time to deal with this. But here’s the truth I want you to hear. The problem
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is never the problem. Your coping skills are the problem. So instead of asking, why is this happening to me? I decided to go with the flow and wonder, how is this happening for me? This episode is not some fluffy pep talk, but a real life reminder that shit makes the best fertilizer. You can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you respond. And we’re gonna explore what Einstein meant.
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when he said that the mindset that sees the problem cannot solve the problem. And I’ll teach you how to flip your perspective so that you can move through the obstacle course that is your life, feeling lighter, freer, and a whole lot more powerful.
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My name is Colleen and I’m a mindful drinking coach helping high achieving professional women permanently reduce their alcohol consumption by 80%. Join me each week for evidence based holistic strategies to regulate your nervous system, balance your dopamine and activate the growth mindset that makes you so powerful in other areas of your life so you can stop worrying about losing control and trust yourself again. Get happy, not sober, it’s not about the alcohol.
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has this saying that I’ve adopted as a mantra and it is you can only rise to the level of problem that you are capable of solving and I couple that with Einstein he’s attributed to this quote the mindset that sees the problem cannot solve that problem and I want to break it down because here’s the simple meaning of it
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When your brain is making something a problem, it is your brain that is the problem. It is your brain that is interpreting something as wrong or not as it should be, which blocks you from dealing with what is. It is what it is, never what it should be. It is what it is. And when you get stuck in how it should be, then you get stuck. You can’t move forward.
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because you’re stuck in your head arguing and thinking and looking backwards about how you got here instead of this is what it is, how do I get there? How do I move through this? And so the simple reframe with the mindset that sees the problem can’t solve the problem is it’s the mindset that sees this as an opportunity, as a challenge, as a growth edge. That’s the mindset that allows you to overcome.
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whatever is going on, because you don’t see it as a block. You see it as a hurdle that you get to jump over. So I had three hurdles, uh and I can tell this story now. And I remember thinking when the second hurdle happened, what’s the third thing? Because everything happens in threes, which is also just a thought. But my brain likes to look. Your brain will show you evidence of anything that’s true. And so I was kind of looking for the third thing, and it came. But here’s what happened.
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I was coming out to San Diego for this conference training mastermind for this group that I’m in that is business training. And uh I’m an excellent coach, but all the acronyms and the KPIs and all the numbers I’m supposed to know, like I don’t even know how to find the numbers, much less know what they mean. And so I need business training. And so I decided it was worth my time and investment to get my ass out here to San Diego and go through this one day thing.
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And so I’m in and I wake up on Saturday morning getting ready to pack my bag. I had a later flight and I realized I’d booked the whole goddamn trip for the wrong week. I went to check in my for my flight, like a good little traveler and I didn’t get the email and I was like, that’s weird. And I realized why is it not on my calendar? And then I see, oh, I had booked it for next week. And so.
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One of my other favorite mantras that I like to use is, this is happening for me, not to me. There’s a reason why I’ve booked the wrong flight. Maybe I’m supposed to be on a different flight. Maybe there’s something I have to learn. Like, I don’t know. Like, just imagine if you had the attitude when things happen to you, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’m in position to receive. And when I look back on this, I’m going to be so happy.
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that I am here and not there because I was able to find or meet or do or see something that I had not intended to. Like the universe is teaching me, guiding me. And here’s the truth, my friends. None of your thoughts are true. You can respond to things as this is bullshit. Everything always goes wrong. Why the fuck do I screw things up? Or you can respond with, how is this a gift?
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What am I missing? Where’s the diamond in the rough? Where’s my surprise here? Like all I have to do is like stand here an extra long time and then I’m gonna realize why I’m here. Meaning is made in the mind. Nothing means anything in nature. It’s all interpretive. And so realizing that you can be bat shit crazy negative or you can be bat shit crazy positive, well it’s your choice. And I gotta tell ya, I’m really, really likin’ the bat shit positive. And so I took this in stride. Okay, no problem.
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I booked the wrong flight and I booked the wrong hotel and I just handled it. I was not attached to being on the plane. I was not attached to even leaving that day. I just started taking action because I didn’t get emotionally inflamed and set back by how things should be. just, okay, this is my obstacle for now. Let’s see what I can do with this. Let’s see what happens.
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How is this going to end? How’s the movie going to end? I didn’t know how my movie was going to end. Of course, you never know, right? I could have had the best blade plans in the world, and life still likes to laugh at that shit too. So I get on the plane, and I actually get there early. I get on an earlier flight, and I thought, that’s perfect. That’s why this happened. Because I had booked myself to arrive on the west coast at like 11 or 12 at night, and then I had to drive into the mountains. And I was like, oh, thanks, Universal. This is going to work out great.
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So I land at like four o’clock, which is perfect timing, beautiful, not even sunset yet. And I go to my car rental place and I’m going to pick up my car, except they’re like, yeah, no, this isn’t happening. Your driver’s license is expired. And again, I thought, oh, this is going to be a great story if nothing else. Worst case scenario, I’m Ubering to this place that I’m going and I’m not going to have a car for the week.
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But I’ll figure it out. I’ll Uber around. Like, not a problem. And because I didn’t get emotionally reactive with the lady who was telling me my driver’s license is expired, as though she was conspiring against me to block me from getting where I needed to go. No, she’s just doing her job. Sorry, crazy lady. uh Uninsured drivers don’t get to rent cars. Or unlicensed drivers don’t get insurance. They don’t get to rent cars. So I sat there for a minute, and I thought,
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I need to renew my driver’s license. And before I call the Uber, let’s just see if I can do that right now. I live in Indiana. Within 20 minutes, I had renewed my license and had a temporary on my phone. And after a little bit more finagling, because I don’t like temporary shit and they don’t like it if it’s not printed out, I spoke, stayed calm, still willing to take the Uber, but let’s just see if we can make this work. It did. And I was on the road. And so I got to my place. It’s great.
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Went out the next day. I had one day to relax and enjoy myself before Monday. I was working here Monday, Tuesday, and I find a hike and I go and I do the maps things and I go and I do the hike and it was I I’m only telling you this because it’s hilarious. It’s cold on the beach. You know, it’s October right now and so I’m in a sweater and I realize I hike all the way down the thousand steps to the surf.
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because it was kind of up on a mountain where the trailhead was. It’s a nude beach and there’s a bunch of naked men running, running like Baywatch with Pamela Anderson, except she had like the red suit on, except these guys are butt naked and it’s cold also, did I say that? And they’re running like in Baywatch style, like in groups, they’re naked jogging, naked jogging on the beach. And it was delightful. I was like, oh my God.
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Like, I be in a better place? Could I be having more fun? So I do my walk, hike back up, and I go to the grocery. And because the place that I’m staying in has a kitchen, and I’m like, I didn’t know it did, but this is amazing. Now I don’t have to go eat in shitty restaurants and whatever. I can make my own food. I like to make my own food. So I stop at the grocery, and I get stuff for the week. And I drive the 45 minutes back to my hotel room with my groceries.
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And I can’t find my room key. I can’t find my little pouch that has my wallet, which wasn’t my wallet. It was just the little wallet that I had taken off of and put my credit cards and my driver’s license in this little pouch, wristlet thing. And I realized, I don’t have it. I must have left it at the store. So I call them. They can’t find it.
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turns out to be fair, I called the wrong store. guess Vons is a grocery. There’s more than one. And so either way, I was like, I got to drive back there. So I drive 45 minutes because it’s for sure not in my car. And I get there and they say, well, yes, someone did turn it in. And I’m like, oh my god, thanks, universe. And then the manager comes over. He goes, yeah, and then somebody claimed it. So my wallet was stolen.
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The good news, the amazing thing that I want to share is that in my brain, the first thought was, thank God I had an expired driver’s license yesterday because my driver’s license is on my phone. It’s up to date. And at least I’ll be able to get home. Instead of being upset this shouldn’t be happening, woe is me, I immediately went into
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problem solving or let’s say obstacle hopping mode. I did not respond to the feeling of like, my trip is ruined. It didn’t even come up, I have to be honest, because I’ve been in the habit of this is happening for me, not to me. And I can only rise to the level of problem that I’m capable of solving because I don’t see this as a problem. So.
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All of the takeaway is just to share this batshit insane positiveness with you. You know, I’m not overriding negative feelings. I’m repatterning my nervous system to respond to that gut sense of, shouldn’t be happening. This is all wrong. This is a problem. And lately I’ve been using this language on discovery calls when I talk to women and I let them know like the version of you that sees the drinking problem.
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cannot solve the problem. I now look back. I don’t see a drinking problem. Of course, I’m not stupid. I wouldn’t like say I didn’t have a drinking problem, but that’s just language and this is in the past. But I now see that my drinking problem was the portal. It was the portal to everything that I wanted. And what my goal is with this program with you is to show you
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That there will be a moment in the future where you look back and you see it is all as it should be. It is exactly how it should be. It went perfectly because in order to get here, where I am now, I had to go there. And this is where if you’re standing in one place and you’re looking back, that’s when you see problems and why you are where you are and you’re making sense of what’s happening in the present moment.
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from the frame, the lens, the filter of the past. When you timeline hop and you see how could this be happening for me and you trust not that everything’s gonna go perfectly, but that you have the capacity and the ability to respond to whatever happens. You don’t trust that everything’s gonna go your way. You trust that you’re gonna turn everything into a way that is useful.
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You’re going to learn, you’re going to grow, you’re going to expand, you’re going to explore, you’re going to be curious and hopeful. And when you look at where you are going to be one year from now, you will look back at the moment that you realize the drinking was a problem and the way you responded and hiding it and feeling the shame and beating yourself up. You will realize that having gone through all that, that’s your teacher. When the student is ready, the teacher of
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and this is not between two people. When you are ready to learn from life, when you are ready to learn what you need to know to get where you want to go, you become the student of your own circumstances. So while I may have shown up in your life and now I’m the teacher and I’m basically just showing I’m lighting the path that I have taken, you can become the student and your life becomes your teacher.
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And now I am just one of the things you are allowing to teach you and guide you and move you forward. Nobody gets wisdom by doing everything their mom said. We can’t think and know what’s right. Like we get wisdom by the fuck ups. We get wisdom by the pain that we have gone through. We get wisdom by the struggles we have overcome. And as long as you see your struggles as a problem, you cannot rise above them.
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you cannot use them to your advantage. So your takeaways, I’ll just repeat. You can only rise to the level of problem you’re capable of solving because the mindset that sees the problem cannot solve the problem. The mindset that sees it as a challenge, as a growth opportunity is the mindset that moves you forward. And then what if everything that’s going on right now is happening for you?
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not to you, and you look for the gift in the moment. You look for the diamond in the rough, you look for the seed in the shit. That’s another metaphor I like. uh Shit makes the best fertilizer. So look around your life and see what could you see differently? How can you trust that if you knew for sure you’re gonna be okay one year from now, everything that’s happened today, every place that you find yourself,
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is your gift. All right, thanks for listening. And if you’re a high achieving, coachable woman who is ready to commit to manifesting your best life, and you’re going to need to reduce your alcohol consumption by about 80%, so that alcohol goes back to being a pleasure instead of a soul sucking problem, get in the show notes and click the link and schedule a discovery call with me or my team.