Episode 54: How to stop sugar cravings in sobriety - Emotional Sobriety Coaching

Episode 54: How to stop sugar cravings in sobriety

00:42

So today’s episode is a post-game analysis of a recent coaching call that I did with a client. I’ve been working with her for about six months and she has been successfully sober for almost eight months now, but she’s still dealing with sugar cravings. And with my background in nutrition and also my understanding of dopamine and how...

01:08

the brain works and why we crave things and want things, I can get really distracted by the details of the anatomy of a craving and what’s causing it. But I’m doing this episode today because I want you to see how it really never is what you think it is. And the more you can go upstream to the source of the problem, the easier the problem is to fix.

01:38

You know that statement, I think it’s an Einstein quote, where you can’t solve a problem with the mindset that sees the problem? Well, that is so true. And one of my talents, my superpowers as a coach, is to always reframe the problem. Because the longer you spend trying to solve the mental math problem of whatever story it is, you’re telling yourself you’re dealing with,

02:08

the less able you’re to see the bigger picture. When you have a problem, the first step is often to reframe the problem, redefine the problem, especially when it’s chronic and continues to appear in your life. What is really going on? What is this coming up for to show you? What is the lesson here? And so.

02:34

Given the fact that I have a tendency to go into the weeds with nutrition and brain chemistry, I’m really satisfied with how this conversation went. And I think there’s so much to learn from it about when it comes to dealing with our own needs and what we’re dealing with. So again, my client has been struggling with sugar cravings. And this has been an on and off again problem for months.

03:03

And so as she came on the call, this was a one-on-one. This was not in a group call. Inside my program, you get a couple of one-on-ones because sometimes you do just need to get into the weeds of the story and what’s going on. And so that’s how the call started. We started talking about when she craved sugar and I was asking her what her goal is. So the problem is, and she labeled it, that she’s experiencing cognitive dissonance.

03:32

She wants to be able to moderate her sugar because she feels like at this stage of her life, she should be allowed to have a dessert or to enjoy herself or, you know, enjoy food without being on a diet. She’s gone through a lot of different diets. She’s 56 years old and she doesn’t want to diet. She doesn’t want to deny herself. She just wants to have a healthy.

03:58

relationship with food and not overthink things and also not overeat things, which I get. But the cognitive dissonance she’s experiencing is that she believes she deserves sugar. She believes sugar is a reward and that certain types of sugar, I think in this situation she was dealing with tollhouse cookies versus the kind of cookies I make with medjool dates and.

04:25

gluten-free flours and there’s no added sugar, I think they’re delicious. But she’s got this idea that certain types of desserts, AKA the Skype with a cup of brown sugar and a stick of butter and double bag of chocolate chips, that’s what she, in her brain, thinks is the ultimate reward. And the cognitive dissonance she’s experiencing is that it’s not possible for her to moderate.

04:55

because she has got so many examples where she made a batch of cookies and she meant to have one or two, and two days later, most of them are gone. Or she’ll have six or eight in a sitting. And she kind of goes unconscious. And so she’s diagnosing this problem as being a sugar issue. And so she’s got all this evidence that she can’t moderate.

05:24

is butting up against her belief that she should be allowed to have some sugar occasionally. And so the problem is that she doesn’t want to take the approach necessarily that I take, which for me, I gave up processed sugar a long time ago. And I very much enjoy chocolate chip cookies when I make them, although I don’t crave a lot of sugar. And even my Whole Foods.

05:52

versions where again, they’re made with medjool dates and tons of flaxseed very high in fiber very high in protein. I still don’t eat many of those because quite frankly the way sugar makes me feel in my body it’s it like makes me hot. I don’t know what it is like it tastes good going down, but within five minutes I have remorse like I’m sorry that I ate that so

06:18

I’m really kind of like a one or two bites when it comes to something special that I might have. That’s really all I have. So that self-regulates. I have a belief that I don’t like it or I don’t feel good when I eat it. She has the same belief that she doesn’t feel good when she eats sugar, but somehow she’s not able to override the urge to stick it in her mouth and to chew. But she is experiencing a lot of negative side effects from

06:47

this sugar habit. She says she has desserts most nights and she’s dealing with a lot of mucus and a lot of sinus headaches and she feels dizzy. She feels frumpy and frazzled and unmotivated and she’s attributing, probably rightly so, a lot of that to her sugar intake. And so as a coach, the first thing I started with was what is your why? I’m like, okay, you’ve been sober for almost eight months now.

07:14

Tell me why you don’t drink alcohol, and are any of those reasons able to be applied here to sugar? And she was like, oh my god, for sure. She’s like, I don’t like how I feel when I’m eating sugar on a regular basis. I actually do believe from my education that sugar is poison. And for sure, it’s at least dose-related, same as alcohol. The more you eat, the worse you feel. And she goes, I.

07:41

want my other why is I want to be healthy when I’m 100 years old. She’s like, I’m in it to win it. I’m here for a long time. I want to be a grandmother and a great grandmother and I want to live a long time. And so I’m highly motivated to do whatever it takes so that I can feel good in my body and my body works until I’m 100 years old. So again, I want to point out the cognitive dissonance here. She has conflicting beliefs.

08:09

She truly believes that her body would be better off if she ate no sugar. She believes that. And she also believes that life is not as sweet without double chocolate chip tollhouse cookies. And therein lies the conundrum. And this is also why reframing the problem is the solution. Because logic isn’t gonna fix this. She’s already applied her best rational thinking.

08:39

She knows the pros and cons. And ideally, if she could just have, let’s say, one chocolate chip cookie a week, then she’d probably not be experiencing as many symptoms. She’d get to balance out her desire to have that sort of treat every now and then. It would be very simple. But it’s not simple because there’s more to it than rational math.

09:01

problem solving skills, pros and cons, and statistical analysis of how much sugar can you eat without shooting yourself in the foot. It’s not simple because it’s emotional. And it’s not even about sugar. And once I realized that this isn’t a simple fix, I pulled back, let’s look at the big picture. And so I asked her to talk to me about the last time she had a...

09:28

sugar binge or whatever to give me an example of a time she can’t control herself. Because quite frankly, I was thinking we would get into the belief that she can’t control herself and see if there was any wiggle room to move the needle on that. And so she starts telling me about how she was watching TV with her husband. And we’ve talked about that before.

09:52

that she often feels obliged to sit on the couch with her husband in the evenings, because he works hard, that’s what he likes to do, when for her, she would much rather do self-care practices, whether it be take a walk by herself, or take a hot bath, and use her essential oils, and get into bed and read a book, like that’s when she feels her best, that’s also.

10:16

a scenario where she doesn’t crave sugar, she doesn’t sit in her bed and think about cookies, like she’s enjoying herself, she’s more present. So that was the first bell that went off for me was that the situation where she can’t control herself, she is not honoring her truth in that situation, which is she’d rather be doing something else. And in this case, she had been watching television with her husband, didn’t really wanna be there.

10:45

I don’t know if she was truly aware of that or not, but she felt bored and restless, which we’ll come back to. And also a little trapped in what her options were, because she’s telling herself that she is making her husband happy by sitting there, or that he expects her to sit there, or that’s what a good wife does. I don’t know. There’s a lot of shit going on there. But she’s feeling trapped. And the kitchen is right there. So she goes in and starts making.

11:14

cookies. That, evidently, according to her brain at the time, it was a more acceptable activity that would get her out of her seat, but also keep her in the role or whatever it is that she felt she needed to be doing at the time. So I asked her to talk to me a little deeper about this restlessness that she was feeling. And pretty soon, all this stuff started bubbling up. And she said, I’m just lazy.

11:44

I’m an underachiever. I have boredom issues. I don’t know what to do with myself. She said, I have a lack of purpose. I’m not working right now. And I know she and I had talked about that. She’s like, I know I should be working on that. But I’m just too lazy to really do anything about it. I don’t know what I want. I don’t really know what makes me tick. I don’t know what to do. So I guess I’ll just make cookies and eat them. And bingo.

12:13

There it is. This is not about sugar. She’s using sugar as a distraction because emotions are bubbling up that she doesn’t wanna deal with because those emotions are telling her she needs to be doing something she’s not doing because she has this belief, as we all do, that the emotions that she’s feeling are telling her the truth. The emotions are the bearer of bad news. Dear person.

12:43

You are a lazy underachiever, and you lack any purpose on this earth, and you might as well stuff your fat face with cookies. Can we take a moment here and have some compassion for what we all experience with negative self-talk, where you’re not really even aware that the judgment, and the shame, and the criticism?

13:12

that you are feeling and trying to avoid is coming from yourself. Can you imagine minding your own business, sitting on the couch, doing your best, be a good wife and spend time with your husband, and you’ve got this inside voice telling you that you’re a lazy underachiever who has no purpose? Of course, if you don’t know how to deal with that.

13:40

You’re gonna go make cookies and eat them all because that is painful and awful. Of course you want to escape, of course. But that’s the thing is that the cookies, the sugar, the alcohol, whatever it is, you’re consuming that. The reason you’re craving that is because you’re trying to soothe your anxious mind. It is not.

14:06

nourishing to your body in any way. In fact, you know it’s gonna make your body feel worse. But that incessant judgment that you’re living under is causing you to need to escape your own body and your own mind. Which is why getting emotionally sober is the key to freedom. It is the key that unlocks you from the prison.

14:34

Because once you understand how to lean into your emotions, to look at the underlying message, to notice how you’re talking about yourself and to yourself, once you realize the call is coming from inside the house and you can change the way you’re relating to yourself, then the sugar shit figures itself out.

15:03

either moderate or give it all up or eat more whole food or like it doesn’t matter, which is why sitting around brainstorming about sugar cravings or even alcohol cravings, it is such a surface level approach to a very deep problem. And if you’re willing to go deep, because first you understand there’s nothing to be afraid of. I try to look at what is the domino belief.

15:33

that you would need to do the work that I teach you how to do with emotional sobriety, the domino belief being the first thing that has to fall in order for all the rest of the beliefs to change. What belief do you need to incorporate and ingest and really integrate with your thought processes? And that is that emotions are actually your friends. They are designed to alert you.

16:03

of what is going on in your subconscious. Shitty feelings are caused by shitty thoughts. Not a shameful past, not weaknesses and ways you are broken. Feelings are just like think of the indicator light on your car that says you need gas, or you need windshield wiper fluid, or your left tire in the back is out of air.

16:31

Emotions are the same way. And the painful emotions are your body’s way of getting your attention. Think about if you have a pain on your ankle because you’re getting a blister. But you just ignore that blister. You don’t go change your shoes. And you just keep walking around, letting the blister get worse. You’re ignoring the pain. Maybe you’re just swallowing Tylenol and bitching. Like.

16:58

Isn’t that kind of the metaphor for how we like to deal with our problems? We like to swallow shit and bitch about it, versus going and taking the shoe off and letting the blister heal. This is what we do with our emotions as well. Because we believe, unfortunately, that our emotions are telling us the truth. That if we feel ashamed, that it’s because something is wrong with us. We don’t understand because we’re never taught that shame is a perfectly human experience.

17:28

and that there’s a way to process it. So I’ll tell you a little bit about her story, just so you can kind of see the big picture. And that is, as a young woman, this gal was an ice skater, a pretty good ice skater. And I think she had been put into the sport by her parents. And I’m not going to say she was an Olympic hopeful, but let’s just say that there was some serious ice skating going on and goals set with that.

17:58

But as her body changed, as she became a young woman, her boobs were too big. I know, and this gal’s beautiful. So first world problems, I guess, when your beautiful curvy body eliminates you from going into an Olympic sport, but it did. And her mother was really disappointed. And that translated, that literally came out of her mouth now as a 56-year-old woman.

18:26

she thinks of herself as a disappointment. And when she got out of ice skating and disappointed her mother, she, of course, didn’t have any sense of self beyond the ice skating. And she didn’t have a strong idea of who or what she wanted to be or who or what she even was outside of that sport. And so she said, you know, I really

18:55

basically just kind of partied a lot. She’s like, I wasn’t all bad, but you know, I went out a lot, I guess she lived in Las Vegas. And she said, I married the first guy that asked and ended up being a single mother and having to live with her parents and struggle to work. And she said, you know, my son is a beautiful 30 plus year old man now, very high functional and a good person, he’s a really good person. And she goes, so I know I was a good mother, but yeah, I look back and think,

19:24

did go out more than I should have. And she’s like, I’m super grateful that my parents let me live with me, let me live with them for that time. But during that time, I just felt really worthless. And that feeling of being worthless has kind of plagued her, her entire life, really since she left the ice skating. And of course, zooming out from the big picture, it doesn’t plague her all the time.

19:53

She has a lot of confidence and she has accomplished a lot. And that’s the thing with emotions, they come and they go. She can simultaneously know she was a good mother and be able to see the evidence of how hard she worked to raise her child on her own and.

20:13

and lists the things that she’s done that were good and the sacrifices that she made. And there’s lots of evidence that she’s been a good person worthy of breathing air on this planet. But then these feelings crop up when she’s sitting on the couch, trying not to go make cookies with her husband. And that feeling of restlessness comes over her and she forgets who she is and what she knows about herself.

20:40

She does what we all do, which is we mistake our moods or our emotions of the moment for permanent situations. We mistake it for the truth. We forget this too shall pass, and there are things we can do to make it pass faster by not buying into the subconscious bullshit that’s bubbling up. So if I can, I want to explain in a very rudimentary, non-scientific way what is occurring here.

21:09

OK, our thoughts, think of thoughts like as a radio station. There’s different frequencies. And your thoughts always have to energetically be a match for the state of your nervous system, whatever emotions you’re in. Which is why if you’re pissed off, everything that you see, you’re interpreting threats, you’re interpreting insults, you’re interpreting obstacles.

21:36

You know, whatever the story in your head, it always matches what’s going on in your body. And vice versa, it’s less powerful going the other way. But the more you tell yourself a story that you’re worthless or that life is over or something horrible is going to happen or something awful did happen, the more you’re stuck in that story, the more that manifests in your emotions. Because thoughts and feelings are the, like thoughts.

22:06

Excuse me, feelings are the felt sense of thought. You’re feeling whatever you’re thinking about in any given moment. Emotions don’t exist independently in our bodies. They are the result of what’s happening in our conscious mind as well as our subconscious mind. And you can think of the subconscious mind as the vast majority of what you’re aware of, what you’re aware of that you’re not aware of. OK, so.

22:33

I’m going to make up some numbers that are kind of accurate but not scientific, so don’t quiz me on this. But it’s something like our bodies are capable of sensing up to like 11 million bits of information per second, minute, hour, I don’t know. It’s just big number, 11 million bits of information, versus we’re only capable of focusing and paying attention on about 40.

23:02

So the vast, almost all of what we’re sensing is not something that we are conscious of. Because consciously, we’re thinking about who we’re talking to, or how we’re worthless, or what kind of chocolate chips we’re going to put in the cookies. But in reality, our bodies are these biological data collection machines. And it’s constantly taking in sorting and sensing.

23:30

and only bringing stuff to our conscious awareness that maybe we have a habit of paying attention to or when there’s enough pain that something has, that our body’s trying to get our attention. So basically, what happens when we are dealing with a craving, such as for sugar, is in this situation, she’s sitting on the couch and her body is bubbling up with.

23:58

pain messages of, hey, I need your attention. I’m not happy sitting here. I’d rather be doing something else. Not only in this moment, but I feel like there’s some things we need to think about in terms of how we’re spending all of our days because if I continue to not have a job and to not do the work it takes to figure out what it is that I want to do with the next 40, 50 years of my life, and then I’m just going to be sitting here and this is not making me happy. So.

24:27

All of this is going on subconsciously for her, but she doesn’t want to deal with it because she’s thinking that the emotions that are making her uncomfortable are actually telling her that she is a lazy underachiever who has no purpose. And because she’s not willing to look at those, that underlying belief, she’s just trying to avoid it. And now she’s in the kitchen making cookies because she doesn’t want to feel

24:57

like she’s a lazy underachiever who lacks purpose. But the only way to get to the other side of it is to let yourself feel, oh, I’m feeling like a lazy underachiever who lacks purpose. What is it that I need? And no, the cookies don’t solve the lazy underachiever lack of purpose problem. But she is continuing to push those feelings down and keep her mind distracted.

25:25

with a very simple problem to solve, like follow this recipe and make the cookies. And oh, here you go. Now you have a temporary relief. You’re distracted from the call that’s coming from within, the call of the wild, if you will, her wild nat, her wild self, her lioness who wants to get out of this cage that she has put herself in, where she’s obligated to sit on the couch and watch a show she doesn’t wanna watch and hold herself to these

25:56

rules, these unspoken rules, that having done the same thing in my life, my husband wasn’t the one holding me to those rules. I have been able to change the rules drastically in my relationship in terms of what he expects of me. People expect what you do. It’s just normal. And so this fear we have as women who are moving into the second half of the century of our lives at post-50, that somehow we’re

26:25

Oh, hey, I’m not spending all day going to the grocery store and making sure you have a four course meal. I got shit to do. I got business to take care of. I got needs. I got desires. I got places to go and people to see. And I guess we’ll figure out dinner like everybody else does. I don’t work here anymore. Whereas for years, many of us women who, especially if we did work in the home, we did work here. And it is necessary.

26:54

to change the rules once the children are out of the house. Unless you are happy with them, and I do know women that are happy with their jobs as, even though the children are gone, they’re still, they’re volunteering and they’re making their self useful. They have found a purpose. Purpose doesn’t come from the actions that are specific to what you take. The purpose comes when you find what it is that you wanna do and you find meaning in that.

27:23

she could absolutely fulfill a purpose in life if she felt like her purpose was to spend time in the evening with her husbands and do her own thing during the day. Like if that made her happy, the problem is it doesn’t. Or more accurately, it can’t be enough until she gets into that 17-year-old girl that walked away from ice skating.

27:51

and was told that she was a disappointment because she’s not going to the Olympics. That is the subconscious mantra that is bubbling up from her, that she’s better than a person who sits on the couch, or she should be doing more, or whatever it is. It’s just thoughts and beliefs. But you can see how this isn’t about the sugar. This isn’t about healthfully moderating sugar. She’s got to get.

28:19

to the feelings that are underneath and bring them into conscious. How do you resolve subconscious issues? By bringing them into conscious, by becoming aware of the things that you are not aware of. And it’s not that painful. She and I were able to get from we have a sugar problem to we have a purpose problem in less than 10 minutes. And now she’s able to redefine the problem away from the sugar.

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and more into when these feelings are coming up for me, what is the underlying thought pattern? What is the belief? What is the childhood thoughts that are coming up that I’ve told myself for years? The story I’ve told myself about who I should have been. That is the problem. And once she reframes and shifts her focus away from trying not to eat sugar,

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into embracing uncomfortable emotions when they appear because they are an opportunity to clean house. They are an opportunity to weed your garden of your subconscious from these beliefs that are creating so much pain. And to change the way you talk to yourself. How do you do that? You literally do it like you would any other person. You become aware of how you are talking to yourself.

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what script is running in the background. You pull it into consciousness. And then you actively do something different. I had the most powerful experience on a recent leadership retreat that I went to. And they had groups of people. There was probably 40 of us in one group. And we had to line up into two lines facing each other. So imagine two lines of 20 people about.

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two arms length distance away from each other. So we formed a tunnel. Think of two lines of people forming a tunnel, except we didn’t actually put our hands up like a tunnel. And the exercise was that each person had to walk through the tunnel or through the center of these two lines of people. And as each person walked by, everybody else had to say one word, the first word that came into their mind.

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So words like beautiful, strong, powerful, creative, vibrant, like whatever popped into your mind. So it was a little bit of a spiritual activity. We were supposed to kind of be listening to our guides and whatever. But you get the point. So I have to just say it was such a powerful experience to walk through a tunnel. So let’s just use the tunnel. It’s not a tunnel, but you get it.

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to walk through that and have whispers of people saying, because it kind of, it was a very ethereal experience. It was like people whispering and saying, strong, powerful, beautiful, capable, funny, all of these things. And I was walking through and those were the voices coming at me. That is what I heard. And what was powerful about it is that in contrast,

31:42

How often do I, you, we walk around, and the words being whispered to us are, you’re too fat, you’re too old, everybody thinks you’re an idiot, you’re ugly, you have no purpose, you’re lazy, you’re an underachiever. Just imagine that is what we are walking around in. And then we wonder why we wanna eat cookies, or why we want to drink the alcohol, because we’re not aware of these subconscious

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voices that are judging and criticizing and putting us down. And here’s the thing, you absolutely can change it. But only if you’re willing to feel your negative feelings. If you’re willing to delay the eating of the cookie or the drinking of the drink long enough to say, God, I feel like shit right now. What’s the shit? Where is the shit?

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are like they’re kind of like splinters, if you will. And when you stop and look at the splinter and pull it out, it feels so much better. That wound can heal. You know, splinter is a good metaphor because sometimes you pull it out and maybe there’s a mild infection there or it still hurts. The pain doesn’t go away. But you can tend to it because you know where the pain is and you know what caused it. And you’ve removed the problem.

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And now you just have to let yourself heal. And painful stories about us, the things we say about ourselves, those can heal as well. But only if you’re willing to look directly at them and say, that’s not true. And I said, what is the domino belief to doing this work? What do you have to believe? You have to believe that emotions are not telling you the truth. They’re just a reflection of what’s in your mind.

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And you also have to believe that you have the power to believe anything you want. Like, we all know that to be true. Look at all the people out there believe in all sorts of crazy shit, like lizard people are running the world, or I don’t even want to say too much. But you can believe anything you want. And the difference between the truth, big T truth, and a belief is a belief is something that you think is true, but it can change.

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So anything that is not objectively true 100% of the time for all the people, then it’s not true. And I know this is so hard to believe because we’re attached to our beliefs about who we are as a person, or what’s good or bad or right or wrong or moral or immoral or healthy or unhealthy. But so many of those beliefs aren’t even

34:39

They change over time. You can believe, like I used to believe that in order to be super healthy that I had to eat a vegan diet and also drink vodka because vodka was better for you than beer. So I mean, I have changed my beliefs about who I am. You can believe anything you want about yourself. That you are important and valuable and creative and sexy at any age.

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And you could also believe that you are unimportant, and ugly, and frumpy, and weak, and you have no willpower. If you could believe anything you want, why wouldn’t you believe the things that make you feel good that also then lead you to acting good? I mean, if you believe you’re all that in a bag of damn chips, you act that way. It’s not any one activity or.

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function that you have that brings value to your life, that makes you feel like you have a purpose. It’s the belief that you have a purpose that brings the value to the activity that you’re doing. The belief comes first in this story. Without belief, everything is just, it is what it is. It has no meaning. Meaning is created in the mind. So to kind of land this plane here, in the end,

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By the time we got off our 45 minute call, it was no longer about sugar or sugar cravings. This woman is intelligent, she will get this shit handled, whether she gives it up completely for a little while and deals with her beliefs that a diet is awful, or whether she, you know, adjusts her preferences from Toll House cookies to, you know, whole food cookies, or whether she just goes, you know, completely zero sugar, like,

36:32

It doesn’t matter what she does. What matters is how she feels about what she’s doing. And for her, her takeaway homework had nothing to do with sugar. It was to start using her feelings as indicator lights on a dashboard of when she is talking shitty to herself and to begin to uncover. And we uncovered a lot. Like I said, it doesn’t take that much and it doesn’t hurt that bad.

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to uncover these beliefs and then start to understand when they come into play and to stop, drop, and feel those feelings. And so if you look at this in the woman sitting on the couch watching TV with her husband, if she tuned instead into her body instead of trying to focus on the TV and how to make the cookies, but if she just stopped, dropped, and felt what’s going on in her body.

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and thought, oh, OK, I’m feeling like this activity means I’m an underachiever, and I should be doing more. OK, do I need to stop and journal? Do I need to stop and go run a lap? What would make me feel better now? And she can attend to her needs in real time in the moment. Again, she doesn’t have to go out and create some big, large career in response to the 17-year-old’s disappointment that she’s not on.

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the Olympic gold medal team for ice skating. You know, that would be her trying to change the outside world in order to change the way she feels on the inside. She can find purpose and meaning sitting on the damn couch with her husband, or she could decide to not find purpose and meaning and to get up and go do something else. There’s no right or wrong answer here. Meaning is made in the mind. So your takeaway from today, two domino beliefs that you can start working on. Number one,

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is that your emotions are a reflection of your subconscious. They are not the bearer of bad news. Shitty feelings are the result of shitty thoughts. So stop, drop, and feel when you feel bad and figure out what’s the story you’re telling yourself. It’s not a true story, it’s just a story. So dig in, find that out. And then number two, your takeaway is you can believe anything you want.

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So what if you started talking to yourself like you are a valuable person? You started treating yourself like you’re worthy of walking through a tunnel of love with people whispering, you’re doing amazing, I’m so proud of you, you’ve come through so much, you have so much to offer, you have so much to give, you’re beautiful, you’re kind, you’re funny, you’re all of the things. What if you made a practice of starting to talk to yourself like that? And here’s the truth, you don’t have to feel like all of that is true.

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You can fake this until you make it. Just like you do in your other relationships, when you’re trying to create new patterns with your partner or trying to parent your kids differently, I’m not going to yell. I’m not going to accuse them and be critical. I’m going to use I statements when I talk. Like, whatever. You know that you can change your communication patterns with other people. Do it with yourself as well. And as I’m scooting out of here, thank you for listening.

39:54

And this is the type of work that I do with my clients. We do this stuff in the next chapter, which is my 12-week program on emotional sobriety, so that it’s not about the alcohol, it’s not about the sugar, it’s not about whether or not you work out, it’s not about if you have a career or if you quit your career. It’s all about learning to manage your emotions and use your emotions to guide you to deeper truths and then realize you can pick your truths.

40:24

And then you just have to act on them. You have to start talking better to yourself. You have to get off the couch and go run a lap if that’s what your body needs to do. So this is the work we do in the next chapter. And this is the power of having a coach because if you get down to a sugar craving and you sit there and you wanna go back and forth, ad nauseum, infinity over if you should moderate or if you should give it up completely, that’s not the problem that you need to be solving.

40:54

The solution to every problem is to redefine it. So that’s what we do with coaching. That’s how I can help. If you’re interested in the next chapter, get in the show notes and click the link. You can come to my free master class that I do right now. I’m kind of doing it every week. It’s on most weeks. It’s on Wednesdays at 6 Eastern and Thursdays at 1 Eastern PM in the afternoon.

41:21

That may change from week to week, but that’s what I’m doing right now. So you can come to that and I go over big picture of emotional sobriety and then also lay out my approach in the next chapter. And if you’re interested, what you can expect. It’s a completely free, it’s an information packed hour. The information I give is powerful and stands alone and you’re under no obligation to sign up for my program if you come to it.

41:48

It’s just me teaching on emotional sobriety. And then I lay out the program of how, if you’re interested in working with me, you can. So no pressure. Come and just, I’d love to meet you. And I give a great hour presentation that you definitely can walk away with some tools. So, okay, that’s it. Thanks for listening.

42:14

If you liked what you heard, please take the time to rate and review the show so that other people can find it. I really appreciate it. And check out the show notes for any resources I’ve mentioned, including links to follow me on Instagram and join my private Facebook group where I connect with my tribe every day. I love it in there and we have so much fun. And finally, if you’re ready to redefine sobriety so that you can feel excited.

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about quitting drinking, follow the link to my 10 Days to Spontaneous Sobriety course where I will help you eliminate, eradicate, obliterate, cancel your desire to drink. Because looking and feeling your best is addictive too. I’ll see you soon.