Episode 62: Let’s talk about drinking alcohol in recovery
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Hey everybody. So before we get started, I wanna include you on an invitation. So this month is my 50th birthday. And I am asking you to help me promote this podcast by leaving a review. And here’s my offer. I will donate $10 of my own money for every review submitted to my favorite nonprofit, The She Recovers Foundation.
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She Recovers serves more than 325,000 women seeking recovery from mental health issues, trauma, substance use, and related life challenges. They offer multiple online daily support meetings, as well as in-person chapters in various cities in the US and Canada. And they have redefined what it means to recover, because we’re all recovering from something.
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And they are committed to simple inclusion instead of philosophy, which is what I love the most. There are no rules or labels in that organization, pure love for everybody. I’m actually a She Recovers coach, and I will be attending their conference in Chicago in September. I’ve also been on multiple retreats, which I highly recommend. I have made some beautiful friendships that would not have been possible if I hadn’t gotten involved with She Recovers, and I wanna give back.
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So let’s kick off my birthday month with a bang. If you have found this podcast helpful in your recovery journey, no matter what you’re recovering from, please leave me a review so that others can find this podcast. And then I’ll make a $10 donation on your behalf to an organization that is a far greater reach than I do. And together, we’ll help keep the light on for those in the tunnel who are looking for a way out. My goal is to make a $1,000 donation.
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So I need 100 of you to take some action. So if you are a regular listener of this show, I’m talking to you. Please take three minutes in whatever app you use, Google, Apple, Spotify, Audible, whatever, and leave me a review. Did I mention it’s my 50th birthday? Thank you in advance. Okay, so let’s get into today’s topic, which is when, why, and how.
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to reintroduce alcohol after taking a break. And the reason I am recording this episode is because there is a lack of information out there for the many people who are not going to choose to remain 100% sober forever, because one reason, the idea of being sober for the rest of their life doesn’t make them happy. And that is a perfectly valid reason. Once you learn that
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the drinking problem that you’ve worked so hard to overcome had nothing to do with alcohol, then you are free to decide for yourself if and when you want to engage with alcohol again. There is absolutely no reason why any of us have to live lives tied to the old identity that we had a drinking problem or that we overcame a drinking problem. You can just remove all of those frameworks
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and go back to being a normal human being. Free to make your decisions, live your life just like everybody else. You don’t have to restrict yourself or feel like you have to live in fear that if you ever take another drink again, you’re gonna lose control. There are so many mixed messages in the sober community. Now that we have sober curious and sober-ish, you see a lot of leaders out there who are saying, I can drink anytime I want.
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but they don’t. I was one of those leaders. And I found that that was really confusing and it felt hypocritical because it implies that we’ve got a wink and a nod. We’re saying you have a choice, but we’re winking and nodding there’s a right choice. There’s a right way to feel about alcohol. And I realized that the only reason that I was not participating occasionally
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was not because I feel like that’s wrong or bad, but because I was still living in fear. I had been indoctrinated by the sober community as we know it to believe that you can’t unpickle your cucumber. That once your brain has been addicted to alcohol, exposing it again to alcohol will reactivate that addiction. And there is nothing that could be further from the truth.
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And in this episode, I’m going to give you the research that shows how not only does your brain heal, but that overcoming addiction is itself an extremely powerful learning experience that actually improves your self-control and self-regulation and your resilience. And once I learned that research, I realized the only thing holding me back
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from occasionally saying yes if somebody was pouring wine or having champagne. The only thing holding me back was my own fear. And I’m gonna be honest, my attachment to perfectionism. My attachment to be in black or white, all or nothing, go big or stay home, and my belief that there was a right way to do it and I had to achieve 100% on my paper. Like it’s my homework.
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And I realized what a hypocrite I was being, because my job as a coach and what I teach in the next chapter is why perfectionism is the problem and that that is actually what you need to overcome is that perfectionistic mindset. And yet I was still living by unspoken rules that being 100% sober is the definition of recovery and that if somehow I broke that,
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I would no longer be worthy or good or respectable or worthy of being a leader. I was meeting my clients where they were in teaching that everything is a neutral circumstance, including drinking, and that alcohol and anything else, it’s not right or wrong or good or bad. It’s your experience. And if that works for you, then that’s okay.
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It’s your thoughts and ideas about yourself. And most importantly, your ability to self-correct when you do make a mistake. Your ability to be on your own team and to not beat yourself up and to not motivate yourself to do better because you’re ashamed or afraid, but actually to motivate yourself to feel good and to be happy, to pursue happiness. And for me and many other people, living by a rigid set of rules,
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is not happy. I wanted to just be able to do whatever I wanted to do and in any given moment and trust myself that it would be okay even if it wasn’t okay. And I had learned that, yeah, alcohol is poison. It’s a depressive sedative. It compromises your sleep and your judgment and your awesomeness. And so I had to ask myself the question, why would I even ever want to drink again? Because once you know better, you do better, right?
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And yet, all across my life, I’m doing things every single day because I’m a part of a community and family and people that I don’t live by that 100% standard. After years of being 100% vegan, I now eat some meat. And I do lots of things that are not 100% safe. And I like that. I like being a moderate person. I like being a less is more person. I like.
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just being able to live without fear. And so while I was not under the impression that I needed alcohol or that I couldn’t survive without alcohol or that somehow I would be happier if I drank alcohol, I also couldn’t deny three things. Number one, it doesn’t actually matter what I do. This is not about the laws of physics. This is about my identity.
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and my beliefs about who I think I am and what I think I’m capable of. The past no longer exists. It’s just a story in my mind. And I’m the one who has to decide what I think it means about me and for me and to me in the future. I know that meaning is actually made in the mind. It is our thoughts that create our reality. And that has to be applied to alcohol too.
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Deciding to have a drink in any given moment doesn’t mean anything about you, about the future. It just is what it is, and you have to experience the consequences, both the good and the bad. And contrary to sober folklore, scientific research actually supports that.
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you can have a drink and it doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t change your brain forever or send you back into raging addiction or remove control and autonomy from you. In fact, there is no direct connection between any preexisting condition and substance use. So preexisting condition would be of previous addiction or trauma or genetics or personality. There is no direct connection with any preexisting condition.
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and the emergence or re-emergence of addiction, except for one thing. And that is the belief that you are unable or will be unable to control yourself. Only a belief stands between you and your ability to engage with any substance or anything else in life. And the second thing I couldn’t deny was that I didn’t actually think that drinking was wrong. And I...
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teach and coach my clients to believe that there is no choice of action that is better or superior to another. There’s what you do and what you don’t do and how that works out. And in fact, research supports that too. It’s the belief in addiction and the addict identity that is the biggest predictor of relapse. People who internalize the ideas that they are powerless and something is wrong with them.
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or their brain, which is often how people are taught in treatment, they have nine times higher binge drinking rates than people who are exposed to a more choice-based view. Predetermining that abstinence is right for you because drinking is wrong or dangerous actually infuses your decision-making skills with fear and wires you to panic.
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which leaves you less able to evaluate the consequences of drinking on any given situation. Consequences are a natural self-correction tool. They don’t have any meaning, they just are what they are. And complicating the consequences with the desire for something you think you can’t have keeps you from asking if you really want it at all. And feeling ashamed of yourself for wanting a drink because you think that means something is wrong with you
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prevents you from realizing that alcohol has negative side effects for everybody. The more you drink, the worse you feel. It’s not you, it’s the booze. It’s not personal. If there was no deep convoluted meaning about who you are as a person, you would experience negative side effects of alcohol as what they are, you would learn from them, and you would move on. And decide for yourself, do I want to repeat that behavior?
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Our brains are always learning, and no choice is devoid of consequences, including sobriety. There are pros and cons and side effects to everything, both good and bad. And you always have the choice to decide what you want. And pretending that you don’t actually have a choice is what keeps the game going. And the third thing that I had to address was the idea that it would be harder.
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harder for somebody who’s been addicted to return to moderate drinking. I wanted to know if that was true because if it was, I wanted to be able to arm my clients with that information. But that belief also turns out to be a fallacy. There’s a saying that the brain of someone who is addicted responds differently to alcohol and that makes it harder for them to control themselves. That is actually true.
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And the reason is simple, because when you are in an addiction, dopamine is out of whack. Regularly ingesting a substance or engaging in a behavior that spikes your dopamine, ultimately leaves you in a dopamine deficit. Your baseline levels get lower and lower, which makes you more uncomfortable and less motivated and more likely to use the substance again, because you experience using or drinking as a huge relief from stress.
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not realizing it’s causing your stress. That’s the nature of addiction. But you can heal from that. Your brain can recover. You know, and I have cited a study in the past with my clients, I’ve relied on a study that the average time for your dopamine to recalibrate is 14 months. But I must acknowledge now that that study was done with severe alcoholics in formal treatment.
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And I have to assume that the treatment was based on the disease model of addiction, which infuses people with fear and powerlessness. But other brain research shows that you can actually rewire your brain very quickly by changing the way you think and see yourself. Brain chemistry is not determined by the substances you ingest. In fact, it’s not even alcohol that changes your brain. It’s the habit.
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It is your decision to repeat that behavior over and over that changes your brain. So recalibrating dopamine, yeah, it’s super helpful to stop drinking, that’s gonna speed up the process. But the bigger goal, the more important thing is to change the way you see yourself. Literally change who you are. That is what changes your brain. Your experience of yourself in life is what calibrates your dopamine.
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Your dopamine responds to the way you talk to yourself. What you desire controls your dopamine response. Researcher Carol Dweck, she’s a well-respected researcher in mindset and motivation. She identified two fundamental mindsets that determine your either ability or inability to change, which includes recalibrating your dopamine.
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And those two mindsets are, one is a fixed mindset. The belief that you are born with traits that are carved in stone. That you, the way your brain thinks and works is unchangeable. That you’re hardwired. That you just are who you are, life is how life is, and people don’t change mostly because they can’t. That is the fixed mindset.
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A fixed mindset is what’s role modeled for us in the sober community. How often do we hear people who have been sober for five, ten, fifteen, twenty years saying that if they went and had one drink that three days later they’d be doing coke off a stripper’s boobs. Even though they’ve changed their lives, feel so much better, and love being sober, they are still carrying and promoting the belief that they haven’t changed.
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and that in the unfortunate event, a drop of alcohol crossed their lips, they’d revert back to their old ways. They truly believe that alcohol is stronger than they are. The other mindset is a growth mindset, and that is the belief that you are flexible, you are growing, and that you are always changing, and that with effort and practice, you can change a lot about yourself. Now.
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How do these mindsets affect you and why do they matter? Because if you have a fixed mindset, then when you struggle or fall short, you interpret that, you make meaning of that situation as meaning you have a weakness, you have a lack of ability. And so you give up because there’s no point in trying. And that affects your motivation, i.e. your dopamine. And also the level of effort.
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that you are willing to expend in overcoming obstacles. Also, how you set your goals, what goals you’re willing to even try to pursue. In contrast, people with a growth mindset are willing to put in extra effort when they find themselves in some sort of deficit or challenge or a lack of ability. They don’t see failure as a lack of personal worth.
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It’s just a call to action, to learn and grow and improve. And DeWecht found that lower IQ students who have a growth mindset eventually outperform higher IQ students who have a fixed mindset. And this research, which she did with academics, moves and has been applied in other areas, and the same thing has been found in your growth mindset when it comes to habits and relationships.
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and physical skill and yes, addiction. How you see yourself, how you deal with failure is the most important factor in your future performance, in your future experience, in your future ability to do what you wanna do. And the good news with all of this is that it’s been shown you can change your self image when you have access to the right information. If you have a fixed mindset, and that’s not binary,
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you likely have a growth mindset in some contexts and a fixed mindset in others. But once you see or identify the fixed mindset and you realize that’s what you got going on, you can diagnose the real problem, which is your thought processes. And now the circumstances are no longer beyond your control. You can simply decide to change your mindset. And DEWEK did show that the fixed mindset students
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who learn about growth mindset are able to achieve the same gains as those who started with the growth mindset. So it’s never too late. The mind, the brain is always learning and you can self-direct that learning. It’s called self-directed neuroplasticity. And so back to the research that applies directly to addiction, it’s actually been shown that after a full year of abstinence, brain scans are nearly identical.
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to the brains of people who were never addicted. Not only that, another study showed that the reduction in gray matter volume that is shown to progress with addiction, your brain kind of shrinks, that can actually not only return to base levels in six months or a year, but also continue to increase beyond the baseline levels of people who have never been addicted. Because recovering from addiction
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can make you more resilient and creative when it comes to solving problems. Because abstinence requires sustained and seasoned effort. And effort isn’t actually what grows your brain. So recovering, people who are recovering from addiction don’t just regain their self-control, because if you’re like me, maybe you never had that much to begin with. They actually become experts at self-regulation.
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And that completely matches my personal experience. My ability to stop after a glass of wine is far more developed than people I’m around who have never actually been addicted to alcohol because I have worked on it and I have practiced and I have perfected my ability to self-regulate. I am very clear on what I want and what I don’t want. I’ve thought a lot about it.
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and I have run the pros and cons, and I am very conscious and I am very aware. And that clarity enhances my ability to control myself because I’m not bullshitting myself on the consequences. Your ability to grow, change, and achieve any goal, including moderate drinking, if that’s what you’re going for, depends on your mindset, on your desire to self-regulate, the amount of effort that you are willing to put into it.
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It has nothing to do with a previous addiction or the severity of that addiction. It has to do with your lifestyle, your ability to practice self-care, what you think you want in need. And in fact, here’s something nobody tells people in recovery, over 50% of people who were formally qualified as alcoholics, over 50% of those people return to moderate drinking.
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The cult of sobriety is just not for everybody. And we live in an environment where there is alcohol everywhere. And if you’re not joining the cult of sobriety, which I loved it. It was fun. It’s a fun cult. As cults go, I highly recommend it. But if you’re not in that, most people who have had drinking problems and found themselves addicted at the wrong end of a substance abuse, a bad habit,
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They’re able to self-correct on their own. Nine out of 10 people who have substance use issues are able to correct it without treatment. And the reason that’s not posted on all the billboards is because those people are not in the sober community talking about it, because they are shunned because they have decided that they are not going to play by other people’s rules. Each person gets to decide for themselves what will make you happy.
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And I am not here to give you a specific roadmap for you in terms of how long you need to be sober or when you can reintroduce alcohol. I’m here to tell you that you get to figure that out and you can do so without shame or fear. The only thing that really counter indicates whether or not you should reintroduce alcohol is your belief system. Do you believe?
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that you are in control. And honestly, you need to accept that you always were in control. You were just misinformed and brainwashed by our entire culture into thinking and believing that you didn’t have the ability to control yourself. And then if you realize that every choice you make ultimately is boiling down to you pursuing your own happiness and that there’s no right or wrong way to do that,
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There’s what you do and what you don’t do and how that works out. You know, it may seem dangerous to admit that you’d like a glass of wine because if you’ve struggled with over drinking, you’ve been conditioned to now feel ashamed of that desire. But that’s crazy. Why does anybody wanna drink? Because they wanna get a bit of a buzz and they wanna participate in social rituals because let’s face it, alcohol is everywhere. And the best thing...
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about a period of abstinence for me was challenging the beliefs that I needed that drink to enjoy myself or to fit in. Because the truth is, if you think you need a drink, then you are robbing yourself of autonomy and choice and power. The freedom to say yes must be grounded in the ability to say no. Anything else is a forced choice.
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So I highly recommend periods of sobriety. I regularly engage in sobriety. I’m like 99% sober, but I don’t see sobriety as something I have to do. I see it as something I enjoy. I’m not drinking because I’m afraid or I’m obligated or I wanna be perfect or I feel ashamed of the past. That is just the flip side of thinking that you couldn’t control your drinking due to weakness or habit or addiction or whatever.
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The only way you will ever be able to feel like sobriety is a choice
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Being honest with yourself about what will make you happy, and not in the immediate gratification way, but in a way that aligns with your life, your goals, your values. Being honest about the fact that you do have a choice is what allows you to evaluate the consequences of any course of action that you take, and then decide what will make you happiest. There are consequences to every action,
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being 100% sober. Nothing is all good or all bad. It just is what it is. And so, the next thing you need to consider before you decide when, why, or how to reintroduce alcohol is your awareness of reality. Have you educated yourself about alcohol? It’s a drug. Are you aware of that? Are you aware of the side effects?
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You know, alcohol is the only drug that is sold to us and we are not given informed consent when we purchase. And I’m not saying that the purchase should require a doctor’s note, but I didn’t know, most of us don’t know, that alcohol is addicted for everybody. And it’s as addicted as benzodiazepines, like Xanax or Ativan, and it’s highly carcinogenic. One bottle of wine equals the cancer risk of about 10 cigarettes.
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It’s also a sedative drug, which means it lowers your brain activity and it blocks REM sleep. It’s also a depressant, so consider that. It’s the opposite of an antidepressant. Over time, it increases negative thinking and apathy, and it decreases your motivation because of that baseline dopamine level going down. It also triggers a cortisol release because cortisol is a stimulant and...
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Alcohol is a sedative and your brain wants to keep you alive so you don’t get so relaxed that you forget to breathe. And that cortisol release is what leads to an increase in stress. So the more you drink, the more stress you feel. It also triggers that spike in dopamine and that feels good on the front end, but what goes up must come down. And over time, as I’ve already explained, it goes way down. And so the key to engaging with alcohol
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is to give your brain and body time to recover between uses so that your brain chemistry can recalibrate. And you don’t get stuck in that cycle where you’re craving a drink due to leftover stress from the last drink. And I can’t tell you how long that space is. Personally, I prefer to limit myself to no more than one glass of wine per week because I can feel the effects the next day. They aren’t awful, but they are there.
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My stress tolerance is just a little bit lower. And you have to accept these consequences if you want to imbibe. Enjoying the up includes the ride back down, it just does. And staying in touch with your experience and evaluating the good with the bad is the only way you can know what’s right for you in any given moment. And being willing to stay in the experience instead of overthinking it in your head is what allows you to evaluate it in real time.
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Your body will tell you if it’s a yes or a no. The question is, are you willing to listen? Quit letting your brain dictate what’s fun or not fun or what you need or what you don’t need. And just make it a policy to trust your own intuition. Sometimes I think, I wanna have a glass of wine. But that first sip, I think, nah, just kidding. And then sometimes I enjoy a glass of wine so much, I want a second. But...
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then at some point in the middle of that second glass, I know I’ve had enough. And that drinking anymore would have consequences I don’t wanna pay. How do I know that? Because I paid them. I recently had a two day hangover after a country music concert. I had a glass of wine with dinner and then multiple hours later, I had two trullis at the show. That was over like a seven hour period, which in the past would never have been a problem, so I was not really operating.
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on the updated version of my body. I was sick for two days and I learned my lesson. Evidently, I’m officially a lightweight and a one-drink wonder, and I’m fine with that. And that’s another thing that I’ll speak to is changing your language or mindset about the appropriate use of alcohol. I no longer ever say I’m drinking. I’m willing to have a drink because there’s a difference between drinking and having a drink.
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Drinking air quotes around that is not a sport or an activity. It’s a reckless ignorance Ignorant use of a serious drug you would never just walk around with bottle of prescription medications and just pop those without counting or paying attention or Being aware that there’s only so much you should take in a certain amount of time and so if you’re willing to accept that alcohol is a drug and it’s a
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poison it’s dose related and that a little bit is fine, but the more you drink the worse you’re gonna feel and you’re able to put that in the bigger context of your own happiness and Love for yourself to not you know trade today for a bunch of pain tomorrow If you’re able to do that, then you’re gonna be able to engage with alcohol just like you do McDonald’s or birthday cake or any other drug or substance or activity where
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Less is more. And so to sum it up, the best advice I can give you about when and why and how to reintroduce alcohol is to simply not be attached to the answer. Because nobody but you can know how it’s going to go. And you can’t really know until after you try it, if you decide that that’s something you want to do. If you’re looking at it from the perspective of brain chemistry, I’ve cited the studies that
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six to 12 months is what it takes to regain and maybe surpass your brain matter in terms of cognitive function. There’s that 14-month study that shows that’s the average amount of time for dopamine recalibration. But there’s no way of knowing for you your own brain chemistry. I’ll be very honest. I was not okay at the nine-month and the one-year mark. I was still dealing with that post-acute withdrawal syndrome.
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a heavy drinker. You know, a bottle of wine was a warm up lap for me. Like it didn’t even count. And so I think I had a bigger hole to climb out of both physically and with my mindset. I had a lot of emotional bags to unpack. Somebody who doesn’t have that much or is already dealing with a really strong growth mindset because they never joined the sober community and indoctrinated themselves with
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versions of stories where they’re powerless and they can’t control themselves and they have to go to meetings and they have to let other people tell them how to recover and they have to be in recovery for the rest of their lives and they have to Define themselves as alcoholics like somebody who’s never been exposed to that and Wasn’t that big of a drinker to begin with and just got themselves in the weeds with a bad habit like who knows? Everybody’s mental health is different. And that’s the other thing is it really is about mental health not about alcohol
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You wouldn’t want to pour alcohol on depression or anxiety or workaholism or out of control stress because you don’t have any good boundaries or you have a lot of codependent dynamics in your relationship. Like you don’t want to pour alcohol on any of that stuff. And so how long should you wait? That’s completely up to you. And you know what? You’re gonna be fine either way. Even if you introduce too soon.
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you will be able to know that. And if your goal is to be happy and you believe that you have the ability to learn and grow, then you’re gonna be okay. I told myself before I had that first drink that I had support systems in place. If I realized that somehow I had opened Pandora’s box and the horrible addiction monster was coming back for me and I found myself caught in a cycle,
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it, I had coaches and I would not hide in shame. I would be honest about what I was going through because I believe that I can get help and I believe that I’m capable of healing because I’ve done it. That mindset really served me so I wasn’t afraid. But I can also tell you that’s exactly not what happened. I have no desire to make myself sick. I have no desire to drink.
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so that I’m out of my mind. A little glass of wine and getting a little buzz on a Saturday night, sitting at the lake, watching stuff, like that’s more than enough. And more importantly, I don’t need it. I do have a policy because I don’t want anything to be a habit and I love and protect my mental health. Like nothing is more important to me. So I’m not willing to have more than, like I said, one glass of wine-ish per week.
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You know, and that’s in one sitting. I don’t have it two nights in a row or three nights in a row because let me be honest, I’ll be full disclosure, it does affect me enough that for two days, even if I just have one glass, I can feel it. Maybe I’m hypersensitive, I don’t know, because I like to pay attention to this stuff. That’s just my personality. But I can feel, you know, a little bit of stress tolerance.
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It’s like there’s a little parched feeling on my tongue. Is that a problem? No, I just don’t like it. It doesn’t make me happy. It doesn’t make me happier to have wine knowing that that’s the bar bill I’m gonna be paying. And so I just don’t ever drink more than I’m willing to pay. On a Saturday night when I know I can sleep in an extra hour, then I’m willing to do it. But you have to get to know your body and your body chemistry and your...
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reasons for wanting to drink. And the only prerequisite is for you to stand in your power, that you know and trust yourself, that it’s possible to control yourself because you desire to control yourself. That’s when it’s safe to proceed. And then, you know, you do it slowly. There’s no chugging contest. You know, you be mindful every sip. Am I enjoying this? Do I need or want more?
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The best question that I pose to myself is, how little can I drink and get the biggest bang for my buck? How little can I drink and still get the desired effect so that I can minimize my bar tab, if you will? And then you notice, like I do, I notice how it affects my sleep and my stress, and I’m a hard pass if I know that tomorrow’s gonna be a big day and I don’t have the bandwidth for that.
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because I’ve learned how to enjoy myself sober. Again, the freedom to say yes requires the ability to say no. So personally, I shoot for a 50-50 ratio in social situations. If I said yes last time, I’ma say no this time. And I have three years of sobriety that taught me not only how to enjoy myself sober and be grateful that I’m sober and be happy that I’m not imbibing, but also that
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I’m never gonna wake up tomorrow and regret that I didn’t drink. Never one time ever have I ever woken up and thought, gosh, I wish I would’ve drank the night before. And like I’ve been honest about a lot of times, I wake up and think, I could’ve done without that glass of wine. It’s actually kind of funny how the more I have stepped out of the fear and I am owning my power and the ability to control myself, the more permission I give myself to drink, actually, the less I want it.
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It’s just rarely everything it’s cracked up to be. So if you enjoyed this episode and you are interested in seeing the research, I am gonna cite my sources on this one. If you wanna learn more on your own and get your hands on the actual research, read The Biology of Desire, Why Addiction is Not a Disease by Mark Lewis, and The Freedom Model for Addictions, Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap by Stephen Slate and my
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Mark Sheeran and Michelle Dunbar. And I don’t say that I agree with every single thing in these books. The Freedom Model, I particularly take issue with the fact that they leave all discussion of the nervous system and past trauma. They are very big on teaching that it’s completely a choice and within your control. And it’s a really great point of view and there’s a lot of research in there.
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But I think in terms of helping people, the way I approach it with my clients is you’ve gotta have that perspective of how alcohol or experiences and your response to yourself, living in shame, fear, and all that, it’s not all in your thoughts. There is trauma that gets locked in your body. And so I don’t fully recommend the Freedom Model, but it is chock full of really great research and a lot of really good ideas.
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And it’s a breath of fresh air to see in terms of sobriety and recovery literature. It’s really a breath of fresh air to hear somebody talking about that it’s completely in your control. So I highly recommend those if you want more reading. And otherwise, thank you for listening. And as usual, I will put information in the show notes if you wanna do my one hour free masterclass on emotional sobriety and
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My specific accelerated recovery process that I have developed that does incorporate nervous system, brain chemistry, and also mindset, kind of three interlocking layers. And I teach that in the 12 week, the next chapter program. But I also have, if you, you know, are just looking to maybe connect with me a little more and not join a big program because that’s not what you need right now in your life.
41:18
You’re also invited to the Bitch Free Recovery Zone, which is my tribe of emotionally soberish women who are learning how to practice self care and common sense. And we have a private community on Circle. It’s not open to everybody. It’s a $20 membership. And it includes the Foundations of Emotional Sobriety course, which I wrote and developed.
41:43
And it includes all sorts of coaching, question, and answers that I put out, and also directives for you to submit questions and get help from me directly. And then also just super cool people and conversations. Because the women in that program are not a bunch of sad Sallys talking about how much they miss drinking. We are a group of women who, when we see a problem, we say challenge accepted. Bring it on. So I will put the.
42:12
link to the master class as well as the Bitch Free Recovery Zone so if you want to connect more with me I will see you in there. Thanks for listening and once again I realize I have not recorded another outtake but who needs it? All I really have to say is please remember it’s my birthday and I’m asking for reviews and every review I will get $10 towards the She Recovers Foundation. I really appreciate it come on do it with me. All right.
42:40
Do do do do do do do do. I’ll stop.
If you struggle with over-drinking, the biggest mistake you can make is to think you have to stay sober for the rest of your life because you’re an “a|coho|ic.” The BELIEF that you can’t control yourself becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Register for my FREE masterclass to learn how to change the way you think so you can EASILY change the way you drink with my Accelerated Recovery Process©.
Is your desire to quit drinking strongest when you’re hungover? The problem with using shame as a motivator is it goes away as soon as you feel better. (Just in time for happy hour…am I right?)
The Accelerated Recovery Process© is your roadmap to EMOTIONAL sobriety, which is the ability to manage your mind and regulate your nervous system.
Learn how to identify the self-defeating THINKING patterns that cause you to drink. So your motivation naturally flows from the desire to feel better… instead of the shame of losing control.
Register for my FREE masterclass to learn how to trust yourself again–with or without a drink in your hand.
Plus get a $100 credit when you attend the masterclass!
Let’s talk about drinking in recovery. Because over 50 percent of “alcoholics” return to moderate drinking. And yet the sobriety community continues to promote the idea that moderation is impossible or at least dangerous and stupid.
You’ve likely heard leaders, like myself, say things like, “I don’t identify as an alcoholic. I’ve just educated myself on alcohol and have no desire to ever drink again.”
Which is beautiful. Amazing. But I work with a lot of people for whom that’s not the case. They don’t want to identify as “sober” for the rest of their lives—like they have some sort of disability. And I finally admitted that one of the reasons I was keeping a zero-tolerance policy for myself was fear. Fear that alcohol really did have power over me…that it was my kryptonite or something.
So I decided to face my fear and run an experiment. I wanted to know for myself if the desire to have an occasional drink was actually just the devil whispering in my ear. And the results are in. Want to know how it went? Listen to this week’s episode of the Recover with Colleen podcast….Let’s talk about drinking in recovery.